How timely and appropriate the words are for me!!
Selwyn Hughes has always been one of my favourite devotional writer!!
Today's material went something like this:
When we looked erlier at the flames of jealousy, we saw that in the last recorded conversation between Jesus and Peter. Peter was caught up in a little lingering jealousy. He had his face John-ward instead of Jesus-ward. " Lord, what about him: he asked of John, the disciple whom Jesus loved. And Jesus replied, 'If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me' (John 21:21- 22)
Jealousy, as we saw, begins with a wrong comparison. We compare ourselves with others around us instead of with Jesus. To compare ourselves with others around us instead of with Jesus. To compare ourselves with Christ is a healthy spiritual exercise, but to compare ourselves with another person is an act that often leads to difficulties. If that person is not as virtuous as we are, we can slip into spiritual pride; if they are more virtuous, we can be tempted to believe that it is only the appearance of virtue and in reality they are just hypocrites. The impulse to comparison must be redirected; it must be focussed on Jesus.
I must admit that I have struggled with this in the past...but more so this week than any other time...especially today....was flipping through an old friend's photos on facebook and felt a wave of jealousy when I saw how happy she was at her wedding.....questions like - How come I dun have such happiness? Why am I not attached/ married, etc? Why does she have such a good life? etc........Then, thoughts just spiralled out of control...... starting thinking of another close friend (who also is in my cell)....and many questions like - How come she passed her exam when I failed, even though we took at the same time?.......which then degenerated to another question like - I wonder is Mr X is interested in her? Maybe they will get together...then what about me? Where does that leave me? Alone again? ......
Far fetched thoughts? mebbe.....but not so hard to imagine..... seem to fall in this hole of comparisons which degenerates to depression....and then a 'pity- party....loads of tears and frustration....sadness.....silent tears...... the fear of being left all alone... or worst, with no one who loves me/ friends, etc......
YET, through it all...I KNOW that He is there for me.....it's just a bit hard to believe in it at times....but I know it in my bones that He will ALWAYS be there...... He's proven that He is faithful in EVERY ( not just some circumstances) circumstances......even if I dun believe in that truth right now, I have no choice....APART FROM HIM, I HAVE NOTHING.....and it is true....apart from Jesus, I have nothing.......
So I have to agree with Selwyn Hughes....that the way Peter overcame his jealousy was to allow the fire of Pentecost burn it out of him..... Lord, let your cleansing fire burn in and through me...burn up all this chaff of jealousy.....that I may walk closer with You each day......
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