Whew!! It's been yet another few months of gruelling mixture of work and exams...hours of busy days at work....plus exam stress....sleep deprivation....and angsty exhanges with ppl at the place i now nicknamed 'The Cesspool'..... unfortunately because of the current 'orange' alert due to the swine flu....am unable to get out of this place on time.....yet on the other hand, fortunately i will be covering another part of this terribly busy department that I currently work in.......
It's been yet another roller coaster ride for me....at least mentally....and more importantly, emotionally....whilst I see others around me moving on to the next stage in life ( ie colleagues going out on dates, friends getting hitched...others getting married.....my own sibling having her 1st child).....made me wonder over and over again the same old questions that used to haunt me (and still do).....why am I stuck in this 'twilight' zone and somehow stuck in 2nd gear all the time? When will I finally meet the 'man of my dreams'...get married....have kids......will it ever happen??? I begin to question God.....and start to doubt His goodness and plans for my life.....i begin to scrutinise myself and put myself down......
Why? Why do I always do this to myself?!?
I dunno....I guess I am just human......
On the other hand, it seems so laughable that one can be so preoccupied with this thought and end up in a downward spiral because of it........kinda brought things to a halt after today's sermon ......pastor has aptly run a series on revelations ....which seems so relevant in view of what's happening in the world - the economy, the swine flu, etc etc....... in view of the possible plagues coming, my problems seems so small and insignificant.....laughable to say the least.....
But what truly struck a chord in me today was this verse - 'I will repay you what the locusts has taken' - joel 2: 25....wow!! most people wouldn't even know where this verse is found much lest quote it ad verbatim......but for me, it is more than a familiar passage from the old testament.....it is a promise.....a promise given to me 7 years ago ....promising me the salvation of not just my nuclear family, but for my whole extended family (and for those who know, it amounts to many many people!!)......Indeed, God is good....and He NEVER forgets his promises to us......He is always faithful to bring His promises to us to pass...albeit in His ways and in His timing........
So I guess....for now, I can leave this issue safely in His hands....and walk away with a chuckle in my heart....knowing that He knows the desires of my heart.....and He will give me an answer in His time......and all I need to do is wait.....and know that He is good....and faithful......
