I know He cares.....even for the lil' things in life...

Been going through a crisis.......not really a crisis of faith....but a crisis nevertheless......been going through weeks of weekend loneliness....esp when it's my off day...weird huh? used to love my weekends off.....but now, somehow felt that filling up my weekend with work seemed better than moping around at home....alone.....
It's been tiring trying to wrestle with this issue of loneliness.....and many a times i ask God ' Why me?'......realised that that is just such a stupid question to ask.......
I know in my mind that He cares for me...but in my heart, that knowledge did not seem to translate to faith...nor hope...nor peace.....
However, was just reminded in church today by the sermon - what faith truly is.....what 'matured' faith looks like...and I know that this is a season of moulding and sharpening my character .... to make me more like Christ......scary thought - but the pastor did mention that some have to endure suffering/ trial/ challenges for weeks, maybe months, even years!! sheesh!!
And then, there's this whole issue of singlehood all over again.....learning how to surrender it completely to Him.....and learning what it means to have faith that He cares about these lil' things in my life......
I know ...i know...i know all the verses ...but I get tired of all these lame and useless advice given by well meaning friends and family....like what I heard in the sermon today....these ppl dishing out these advice sounded like Job's friend.......well meaning but who totally have no idea of reality and the truth.....dun need these people in my life.......just need someone to be there to give me a hug...and cry with me.....and hold my hand......
And just when I thought that all was lost....JG and HJ sends messages/ email to ask how i've been..... do they really care or issit just another show of false Christianity all over again? I dunno.......sometimes i wonder why do I even care any more? are they for real?!?
Despite all my murmuring and grumbling and fault finding ( yes Lord, I know that these are sins, Forgive me!!) ....I know deep down inside that He care....and He knows what I am going through..... and truly apart from Him, I have NO good thing! and for now...that is enough to keep me going......

Updates.....updates...

whoa!! its been quite a long while since I updated my entries here...no thanks to my lousy laptop which is now majorly malfunctioning and unable to connect to the Net......have to resort to using my brother's comp instead!!! arggh....

On top of that...doing a whole month at the ICU was just about killing me!! calls were once every 4th day....and the colleagues whom I had to work with was just about the last straw....can only say that it is by God's grace that I survived the month! Though I must say that I was kinda sad to leave at the end....will really miss the patients and nurses there!!!

Now....as I was mentioning to my fellow colleague.....ICU was just 'organized chaos'.....well, CCU now is just 'chaos'!! sigh..... guess it doesn't get better than this right?!? am still trying to recover from my horrendous call on Monday....but anyway.........

God is still in control ..and for that I am nothing but grateful.....thankful for this hope that I have!