Saturday, June 28, 2008

Challenged and inspired by the book - 'Carry The Spice' by Dr. Tan Lai Yong

Had the privilege of attending CMDF's meeting ( ABM actually!!) on Thursday with a dear friend - HL. Was my 1st time there and was a bit anxious as to how the meeting was like...am glad for company.....have been wanting to attend CMDF's event ever since I started working here....however, timing wasn't right...or it was so out of the way that I din know how to make my way there!! Sigh....the flesh is willing, but the spirit is weak.....

Anyway....it was a timely visit for me....have been feeling so disillusioned at work...discouraged at the state of affairs.....feeling somehow God has forgotten about me and the plans He had for me......to be in the midst of spiritual giants in the medical field and who have walked the road before me gave me comfort...hearing their testimonies....hearing an account of an ex-colleague who volunteered at the Healthserve clinic in Geylang stirred something in me.... the desire and passion I once used to have for the lost and poor and marginalized people.....something that had withered over the last few years in the midst of all the difficult work situations, lack of sleep, lack of passionate Christians around me, etc......

The talk by a Christian dentist -turned- pastor was also very timely - Rediscovering humility as Christian medical professsionals........a very good reminder of the pride of life in each of our hearts...when we feel that we a semi/ demi- gods because we hold the lives of our patients in our hands........we travel along a very thinline here....and it is easy to get sucked into this life and what it expects of us as professionals....and it is easy to become critical ... complaining... grumbling.... easily angered......temperamental.......

Lord, forgive me for my sins.....for my pride.... for the times when I lost my anger/ temper at others , not because I was upset with others, but just frustrated at myself...and my situations.....FORGIVE ME LORD!!! Truly, I live and work under Your GRACE and your grace alone!!!

Then, I picked up this book which I have been wanting to read for a while since it was published..... 'Carry The Spice' - which was written by Dr. Tan Lai Yong and documents the stories of singaporean doctors in medical missions and pastoral ministry....Very refreshing.....but more importantly, it was inspiring and encouraged by every word as I realised that most of these spiritual giants had to wait, some more than 10 years from the time of their calling to being sent out into the field......it made the last 3 years seem short in comparison .......it also affirmed what I already knew in my heart - that these are not wasted years/ time....but a very very vital time of training (spiritually , emotionally and professionally) and a season of moulding of my character to be more like Jesus.......Lord, teach me to be patient and to wait on You during this season of moulding!!




Then, at church today...we sang this song...which was very very apt....

OFFER YOU MY LIFE

Verse 1:
All that I have
All that I am
I lay them down before You , O Lord
All my regrets,
All my acclaim,
My joy and my pain
I'm making them Yours
* Chorus

Verse 2:
Things in the past
Things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes
All my plans
My joy and my pain
I'm making them Yours
*Chorus

Chorus:
Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for Your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a living sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life

Bridge:
What can I give,that You have not given?
What do I have that is not already Yours?
All we possess is this life we're living
And that's what we give to You , Lord

Friday, June 20, 2008

How people change......for better or worse?!?

Really thank God for a ' light' ward work for now...... even have time to study for my exams during working hours! ( this has NEVER happened for me before!!) Anyway.......can only thank Him for his grace and provision of time....

However, was sorely disappointed at working with a particular senior at work...let's call that person X ......I have known X since I was in secondary school.... X was a few years my senior and a close friend of my Youth group's president.... used to held X in esteem (X was known to be smart, mebbe a bit of a geek) as X was also known to have a heart of gold and loved kids....X would dress up as a clown at Sunday school to entertain the children!! But what a different X I saw at work!! All X could say was about work, exams and what awards he/she received since coming to work here !! How shallow! How disappointing!

It was really amazing (in a bad way of course!) how working in this country can change you....in a subtle way that one doesn't even realise it.....how one gets caught up in the rat race and paper chase....of how everything we do is just a mean to a particular end...in this case - the work we do, the hours we put in, the exams we take - is all for the sake of promotions and exiting as a registrar ( and mebbe hopefully to enter into the world of private practice!!) .... How sad! How easily we allow the weeds of this world to choke our faith in God!.....

This became more apparent when this particular Youth group president ( the friend of X) started contacting me through FB ..... his ideals of my profession and the nobility of my profession put me in shame.... made it worst by my realisation of what his good friend X has become in this profession after practising in this country .........

Lord, I pray that You will always remind me why I stepped into this profession...help me never to forget why I chose this line of duty in life....help me to see how I can become Your eyes/ hands and feet to the sick/ hurting people out there through what I do in my vocation...... help me never to become so caught up in the rat race that I forsake my faith/ ethics/ belief in You! Help me to pray and challenge those Christians ( or so called Christians ) at work to impact our society and workplace for You!! Teach me what it means to be Your salt and light in this world!!!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Ezekiel 12

Was just going through when 2 verses struck me......

1) Verse 22 : "Son of man, what is this proverb you have in the land of Israel : ' The days go by and every vision comes to nothing?'"
- Somehow felt like what this proverb described for a long while now.....never really knew what was the problem until I talked to a friend at work and realised how disgusted I was at the people at work - the politics, the ethics ( non existence of ethics in these people), etc.......realised when I went home that the indignance I felt was the kind that Jesus had when he overturned those tables in the temple........disgust at people's sinful ways and arrogance towards God and fellow human beings....

2) Verse 23: Say to them, ' This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I am going to put an end to this proverb, and they will no longer quote it in Israel. Say to them, ' The days are near when every vision will be fulfilled."

- How I wish that this was true!! How I long for this to happen!! Yet, one must have faith and trust in the word of God....if not, life is to tough and dreary....

Lord, I need HOPE for each day....JOY to walk through the sufferings of this world ....STRENGTH in every weakness that I see in me ....and PEACE in all the frantic activity around me!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Jealousy.....

Been going through a very good series by Selwyn Hughes during my QT material from EDWJ....the theme for May/ June 2008 being - The burning, cleansing Flame....

How timely and appropriate the words are for me!!
Selwyn Hughes has always been one of my favourite devotional writer!!

Today's material went something like this:

When we looked erlier at the flames of jealousy, we saw that in the last recorded conversation between Jesus and Peter. Peter was caught up in a little lingering jealousy. He had his face John-ward instead of Jesus-ward. " Lord, what about him: he asked of John, the disciple whom Jesus loved. And Jesus replied, 'If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me' (John 21:21- 22)
Jealousy, as we saw, begins with a wrong comparison. We compare ourselves with others around us instead of with Jesus. To compare ourselves with others around us instead of with Jesus. To compare ourselves with Christ is a healthy spiritual exercise, but to compare ourselves with another person is an act that often leads to difficulties. If that person is not as virtuous as we are, we can slip into spiritual pride; if they are more virtuous, we can be tempted to believe that it is only the appearance of virtue and in reality they are just hypocrites. The impulse to comparison must be redirected; it must be focussed on Jesus.


I must admit that I have struggled with this in the past...but more so this week than any other time...especially today....was flipping through an old friend's photos on facebook and felt a wave of jealousy when I saw how happy she was at her wedding.....questions like - How come I dun have such happiness? Why am I not attached/ married, etc? Why does she have such a good life? etc........Then, thoughts just spiralled out of control...... starting thinking of another close friend (who also is in my cell)....and many questions like - How come she passed her exam when I failed, even though we took at the same time?.......which then degenerated to another question like - I wonder is Mr X is interested in her? Maybe they will get together...then what about me? Where does that leave me? Alone again? ......

Far fetched thoughts? mebbe.....but not so hard to imagine..... seem to fall in this hole of comparisons which degenerates to depression....and then a 'pity- party....loads of tears and frustration....sadness.....silent tears...... the fear of being left all alone... or worst, with no one who loves me/ friends, etc......

YET, through it all...I KNOW that He is there for me.....it's just a bit hard to believe in it at times....but I know it in my bones that He will ALWAYS be there...... He's proven that He is faithful in EVERY ( not just some circumstances) circumstances......even if I dun believe in that truth right now, I have no choice....APART FROM HIM, I HAVE NOTHING.....and it is true....apart from Jesus, I have nothing.......

So I have to agree with Selwyn Hughes....that the way Peter overcame his jealousy was to allow the fire of Pentecost burn it out of him..... Lord, let your cleansing fire burn in and through me...burn up all this chaff of jealousy.....that I may walk closer with You each day......



Friday, June 6, 2008

Sex and the City movie review by Camerin Courtney




Sex and the City
Review by Camerin Courtney | posted 05/30/08


Sex and the City


When Sex and the City finished its sixth and final season on HBO in 2004, popular sex-columnist and book author Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) had finally heard Mr. Big (Chris Noth) tell her she's The One. Sex-crazed P.R. guru Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall) had beaten breast cancer and fallen into a monogamous relationship with her hot young boyfriend, Smith (Jason Lewis). Socialite and uber-optimist Charlotte York (Kristin Davis) and her hubby Harry (Evan Handler) were adopting a little girl from China. And snarky workaholic Miranda Hobbes (Cynthia Nixon) had moved to Brooklyn with her husband, Steve (David Eigenberg), and their son, Brady. The series finale (and, arguably, the entire series) was a celebration of friendship, self, and romantic love—mostly in that order.

This big screen reunion, which takes place four years later, celebrates much of the same (and more). And, like the TV series, the film offers much that will resonate with singles—and yes, even Christians—who see themselves not just as a demographic in a Barna poll but as sexual beings who wrestle with balancing loneliness and a desire for romantic love with a commitment to purity and platitudes like "true love waits." (And waits. And waits.) More on that in a moment, but first, let's catch up with the main characters.


Charlotte (Kristin Davis), Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Miranda (Cynthia Nixon), and Samantha (Kim Cattrall)

Carrie, who's recently released her third book, and Big are moving into a Fifth Avenue penthouse that redefines spacious. When Carrie attends the jewelry auction of a jilted socialite, she starts to crave something a bit more concrete with Big before they share an address. Her casual mention of marriage prompts a passionless quasi-proposal. Wedding plans go from intimate to production when Carrie lands the perfect dress. Big starts to squirm, and so do we (especially fans of the TV show, who have ventured down this road too many times before).

Samantha has left NYC (horrors!) for L.A., where Smith is now a big-time actor and her star P.R. client. Their beachfront home is an altar to Smith's stunning success. It also happens to be right next door to a hot Latin surfer, who provides a world of temptation for Sam. She escapes him and her domestic boredom with frequent trips to New York. (One has to wonder if her relocation was to provide less interaction with the other actresses, with whom Cattrall has had a shaky history.)




Charlotte is adding to her domestic bliss with the discovery of her surprise pregnancy. She can only hope the baby will be as well-behaved as her adopted daughter, Lily, who seems more like a cute Asian accessory than an actual, living, sippy-cup-spilling child. Charlotte struggles to enjoy her happiness when her friends are wrestling. As usual, Charlotte offers the weakest plot line—yet we need her joy to balance out the others' angst.


Miranda is struggling as a working mom, wearing the role like an ill-fitting school uniform. She's as angry and biting as ever, with Steve serving as her main whipping boy. When he betrays Miranda, she erupts—and finally moves back to "more civilized" Manhattan with her son. Miranda's story is probably the most relatable to mere non-Prada-sporting mortals—and is also the most well defined and interesting.

New to the mix this time is Louise (Jennifer Hudson), a young woman from St. Louis who recently moved to the Big Apple "to fall in love." Carrie hires her as an assistant to help her get her life, apartment, and website in order—and she also offers some starry-eyed optimism just when Carrie needs it. While Hudson was no doubt added to the cast in response to criticism that SATC was sorely lacking in women of color, it's unfortunate she's cast as aide instead of a friend. Why not let the girl sit at the grown-ups' table instead of being stuck serving them and lustfully eyeing their designer labels?




The overall plot mainly revolves around Carrie and Big (will he or won't he flake out?) and around Miranda (will she or won't she forgive Steve?). Throughout this year-long (and sometimes overlong) slice of life, the women wrestle with issues of forgiveness, identity, temptation, and guilt. Then occasionally the action pauses for a gratuitous fashion show—thanks to a magazine shoot, a closet cleaning, NYC's Fashion Week. It's like stopping for ice cream in the middle of your workday. Fans of the show will eat this up; the husbands and boyfriends they drag along likely not so much. In the midst of all the Gucci and the grappling, Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha love, protect, and occasionally attack each other with stunning ferocity.


Michael Patrick King, executive producer and writer of the television series, wrote and directed this film. His story does provide big-screen-worthy events in the lives of the girls—birth, loss, marriage—though all of these occurred in the series as well. The package suffers without Carrie's usual wrestling with and posing of an intriguing question. Those queries often elevated the show from mere fashionable fluff or soft-core porn. Though many viewers were no doubt drawn by the sex or the sisterhood or the shoes, it was Carrie's thought-provoking, vulnerable, and relatable wrestling with life that made the show not just popular, but a pop-culture phenomenon.

And a phenomenon even for many Christians. For years, good churchgoing friends of mine secretly raved about Sex and the City. They told me that I, a 30-something single woman (and a singles columnist to boot), would appreciate the randy little show. I was a late adopter only because I didn't have cable. When the somewhat sanitized version showed up on WGN, I was intrigued. I could've done without the "man-izing"—and definitely without the nudity, when I rented the original version. But it was refreshing to have a single woman's sexuality acknowledged. In stark contrast, the last time anyone in a Christian setting spoke to the fact that I'm a sexual human being was in a college church group, where I was blithely instructed that "true love waits." Well, 15 years later, it's still waiting. And it ain't so blithely simple.

Most of the few Christian voices speaking to the growing single segment of the population offer ten easy steps to find our soulmate. As if it's that wondrously simple. Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda, however, show how challenging it really can be for intelligent, accomplished, and admittedly neurotic women to find lasting love. They, unlike many Christians, don't insult my intelligence. Instead they speak to the complexities of relationships in a postmodern age—addressing baby lust, the mommy wars, sexual temptation, dating outside your "class," commitment-phobia, the reluctant desire to be rescued by a man, and the simultaneous fear that you'll lose your own hard-won identity in the process. Yes, materialism and hedonism abound. But so does a messy wrestling with complex new realities of life that I wish I saw more of in Christian circles.


Mr. Big (Chris Noth) and Carrie get cuddly

All of this said, there is a lot of sex and nudity in the movie. Be warned: There's a threesome, a naked man in a shower, some steamy makeup sex. The sex scenes between married folk are somewhat less offensive, but there were too many times when it seemed that the producers were simply trying to shock.

Sex and the City is ambitious for all the characters, emotions, and crises it tries to shoehorn into two and a half hours. But the attempt elevates it above most chick flicks and romantic dramedies of late. SATC offers well-developed characters, smart dialogue, interesting plots and sub-plots, and a ton of heart. Not to mention eye-candy galore in the leading men and odd-yet-fabulous fashions. Still, I personally wasn't satisfied with the way the Carrie-Big plotline played out. And I think the franchise shines best when showcasing the characters' little, daily struggles and neuroses—Why hasn't he called? Is he really just not that into me?—as it did on the TV show than when trying to make bigger statements (both of the relationship and fashion varieties) as it does here.

In the end, I didn't quite heart SATC—but I certainly enjoyed this meaningful reunion with its beloved characters and their winning friendships.


What is life?!?

Sigh....yet another day at work......
Been thinking about what it all means...esp when I have so much time to ponder about the meaning of life......suddenly struck me that I am in a rut....there is nothing that I look forward at work - not the patients i see, nor the 'colleagues' that I work with....nothing means anything anymore...How sad! How horrifying!!Arrgh.....I need a break......
On the other hand, there is also many fear of the unknown...of the unknown future....sometimes there is a light of hope.....at others, just dismay and despair that life will pretty much remains the way it has been.....lonely, meaningless, dreary...full of sadness....sometimes I wonder whether I will ever find happiness? fuilfilment? will I ever?

Found the lyrics of one of my favourite song by a Christian group called 'The Kry'.....

Take my Hand ( lyrics by Jean Lajoie and Yves Lajoie)

I know there are times
Your dreams turn to dust
You wonder as you cry
Why it has to hurt so much
Give Me all your sadness
Someday you will know the reason why
With a childlike heart
Simply put your trust in Me

Chorus:
Take My hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on Me alone
Don't say why the were the old days better
Just because you're scared of the unknown
Take my Hand and walk

Don't live in the past
Cause yesterday's gone
Wishing memories would last
You're afraid to carry on
You don't know what's coming
But you know the One who holds tomorrow
I will be your guide
Take you through the night
If you keep your eyes on Me

Take My hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on Me alone
Don't say why were the old days better
Just because you're scared of the unkknown
Take My hand and walk where I lead
You will never be alone
Faith is to be sure of what you hope for
And the evidence of things unseen
So take my hand and walk

Just like a child
Holding daddy's hand
Don't let go of Mine
You know you can't stand
On your own

Repeat Chorus


Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Little musing's in life despite the busyness and tiredness.....

It's great to be back online....being away for sooo long makes it feel so good to be back!!!

Past 2 weeks has been super busy at work.....well, that's what you get when you work in a busy unit with less than satisfactory bossess (not all, just one or two or them?!?)....and having to bear the responsbilities of other's incompetent choices at work....sigh...all in a day's work, I guess......been so zonked out everyday, not from sheer volume of work nor the speed at which things must happen, but the frustrations that one must endure at work......

Then, there's this whole new world of journal club presentations that I have been initiated into....so much preparations involved...so much journals to read and review and understand!!! Man! What a waste of time! I mean, I love reading - just not this kind of reading!!! Am just so glad that my presentation is over - which means that I am good for another 6 months before the whole cycle repeats itself again!!!

However, in the midst of it all, I realise just how human I am! How much I need friendships and love....how i survive on human connections......was just about spiralling into another bout of depression again when I caught myself hiding away from the world (am kinda still doing it again....).....amazes me how I can thrive on human interactions yet at the same time fear and run away from it.....I need to connect with people (that's the way I was made! and hence the choice of work )....yet on the other hand, the fear of rejection or ridicule forces me to run from intimate relationships/ friendships with others....what an oxymoron?!? am still learning what this means for me.....

Anyway, was glad to spend the last weekend with 2 good friends...watching Prince Caspian and Sex in the City......wasn't a great fan of the latter show but it was rather hilarious , I must say! Well, which girl wouldn't lurve to have a walk in wardrobe of that size!!!!

That aside, seriously...have been truly grateful for time spent with my brother whilst he is studying here......bonding with him...catching a movie (Made of Honour was great!) and just chatting about life in general....managed to ask him about his faith....whether he believed in God....well...his answer was 50/50.....guess that just means more prayer and time needs to be invested into his life so that it will finally be 100%! ;) That'll be my next project of the year.......... we will see......