JUST WAIT

Found this nice poster in the cath lab where I work....found it truly inspirational!

JUST WAIT

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied,
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate....
and the Master so gently said " Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers , I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry;
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting.....for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine....
and He tenderly said, " I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want , but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
but you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just waht you ask
from an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still.....WAIT'.


Sums up most of what I have felt over the last few months.....heh....

New Year - looking ahead....yet at the same time reflecting on the past year gone by....

Was feeling rather forlorn...thinking abt spending the last day of 2008 alone at home.....yet, on the other hand....am probably more contented doing this than squeezing in between the new year's eve crowd out partying on the streets!!!

Must say that 2008 has been an eventful year...full of ups and downs...been like a rollercoaster ride.....yet all in all, I know God is in charge of my life....it has to be - coz most days I dun feel in control of my own life!

Reflecting on this song - one of my favourite Christian song for the year....

God of my days - Zach Neese (Gateway worship)
You awaken my heart from slumbering
Meet me in mourning and You speak to my grief
You're the light in my darkness, the delight of my eyes
The hope of the daybreak when the sun's slow to rise

I trust that every moment's in Your hand

Chorus:
God of my days
King of my nights
Lord of my laughter
Sovereign in sorrow
You're the Prince of my praise, the Love of my life
You never leave me,
You are faithful
God of my days


You unveil my eyes, help me to see
The arms of the Father encircling me
You're a constant companion , I'm never alone
Your love is the banner that's leading me home

My eyes are on You
my hope is in You
my faith is in You

Chorus...

How true.....those words sums up my 2008 experience....and yet in it all, I can only attest to His faithfulness....although most of the time it felt hard......

And then, in my quiet time today...the words from 2 Thessalonians 3 stood out.....

' But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one....May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.'


What a promise for 2009!! Indeed, I know He will remain faithful to me......

Lord, I pray that You will continue to guide me in 2009 and show me the way that I should walk in. Most days, it just seems a blur, so purposeless, so meaningless......I need Your guidance.... Your wisdom and direction .....tell me where I should go and what I should do....help me to be sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit....help me to reach out to those around me.....teach me what it means to be a channel of Your love to them....Use me, mould me...guide me......I pray all these in Your name . Amen!

The true meaning of Christmas

People have been asking me what Christmas plans I have this year....many sounded shocked that I am spending it alone....including my own mum.....yet somehow, I prefer it this way...the solitude to ponder on the true meaning of Christmas.....and to rest rather than be busy with festivities that dun carry any meaning at all - all the feasting...celebration.....even the religiousity of it all..... somehow feel that ppl have forgotten what Christmas is truly all about....

went to church this morning and the sermon was really apt - when you've got the Son, you've got it all....truly, with Jesus, we have everything.....

really liked this poem...

One Solitary Life
By Rev. James Allan Francis


He was born in an obscure village,
a child of a peasant woman.
He grew up in another obscure village
where he worked in a carpenter shop
until he was thirty.
Then for three year
he was an itinerant preacher.
He never had a family.
Or owned a home.
He never set foot inside a big city.
He never traveled two hundred miles
from the place he was born.
He never wrote a book
or held an office.
He did none of the things
that usually accompany greatness.
While he was still a young man,
the tide of popular opinion
turned against him.
His friends deserted him.
He was turned over to his enemies.
He went through the mockery of a trial.
He was nailed to a cross
between two thieves.
While he was dying
his executioners gambled
for the only piece of property he had,
his coat.
When he was dead,
he was taken down
and laid in a borrowed grave.
Nineteen centuries have come and gone
and today he is still the central figure
for much of the human race.
All the armies that ever marched,
All the navies that ever sailed
And all the parliaments that ever sat
And all the kings that ever reigned
Put together
have not affect the life of man
Upon this earth
As powerfully as this
One Solitary Life.


and then the service closed with this song....a long forgotten favourite...

Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
And everything was done, so you would come

Nothing you can do can make Him love you more
Nothing that you've done can make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
And everything was done
So you would come

Chorus:
Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, Broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
And everything was done so you would come


How profound!!

Roller coaster ride....

Whoa....it's been a crazy week both physically...and emotionally.....

Had to attend 2 weddings in JB over the weekend.....and my, did it take all my effort and strength....granted....I had the good fortune to be off on the long weekend.....but still....took lots of work and perseverance to get on the road and cross the causeway which was full of holidayers!!!

To top it off....was having a depressive phase at work...... just felt like quitting all the time....felt as though my work was mundane...that I was not helping anyone...that maybe I chose the wrong profession??!!?? felt that I was stuck in a hopeless situation....with people who just suck the life out of me......felt so stuck in this rut......kept asking God whether this was what He wanted me to do....coz it felt so pointless most of the time.......wondered what happend to all my aspirations to help save the world?!? hahaha....guess that those were just wishful dreams.......felt that maybe i misunderstood God and His intentions for me.....maybe I was just running in my own steam....... mebbe the 'dreams and plans' I thought God has for me in Uni was just an 'illusion'?!?

I dunno....felt discouraged..... felt disillusioned......felt hopeless....

granted...i've had these phases before...but nothing as bad as this.......
most nights were just filled with tears as I contemplated in exhaustion where my dreary life was headed to.....

din help that I felt all alone.....with no support from family or friends......worst, those Christian friends who were suppose to be my pillar of support just vanished into thin air....even my cell group was nowhere to be seen or heard......guess that's the kind of community we live in right now?!?

Had a few chats with different people....but the end result was equally dismay.....man, it's hard to find anyone who inspires any hope in me anymore!!! Geez.....

I know , i know.....one will say that this is the enemy at work...and I agree......but it's tough battling and fighting off the enemy ALONE.....coz that's what it feels like... a losing battle.....despite all the knowledge of His promises and His word.....it just felt so distant and irrelevant to me at that point......although of course when we look back, we can laugh and say how silly we were....but at that point in time, it just felt miserable......

Still...the words of this song kept playing in my mind...

' Once again I look upon the cross where You died,
I'm humbled by Your mercy and I'm broken inside,
Once again I thank You,
Once again i pour out my life '

' Thank You for the cross,
Thank You for the cross,
Thank You for the cross,
Thank you for the cross, my Friend'

This is the only thing that is keeping me sane......

Gotta keep the faith....Gotta keep the faith.........

I know He cares.....even for the lil' things in life...

Been going through a crisis.......not really a crisis of faith....but a crisis nevertheless......been going through weeks of weekend loneliness....esp when it's my off day...weird huh? used to love my weekends off.....but now, somehow felt that filling up my weekend with work seemed better than moping around at home....alone.....
It's been tiring trying to wrestle with this issue of loneliness.....and many a times i ask God ' Why me?'......realised that that is just such a stupid question to ask.......
I know in my mind that He cares for me...but in my heart, that knowledge did not seem to translate to faith...nor hope...nor peace.....
However, was just reminded in church today by the sermon - what faith truly is.....what 'matured' faith looks like...and I know that this is a season of moulding and sharpening my character .... to make me more like Christ......scary thought - but the pastor did mention that some have to endure suffering/ trial/ challenges for weeks, maybe months, even years!! sheesh!!
And then, there's this whole issue of singlehood all over again.....learning how to surrender it completely to Him.....and learning what it means to have faith that He cares about these lil' things in my life......
I know ...i know...i know all the verses ...but I get tired of all these lame and useless advice given by well meaning friends and family....like what I heard in the sermon today....these ppl dishing out these advice sounded like Job's friend.......well meaning but who totally have no idea of reality and the truth.....dun need these people in my life.......just need someone to be there to give me a hug...and cry with me.....and hold my hand......
And just when I thought that all was lost....JG and HJ sends messages/ email to ask how i've been..... do they really care or issit just another show of false Christianity all over again? I dunno.......sometimes i wonder why do I even care any more? are they for real?!?
Despite all my murmuring and grumbling and fault finding ( yes Lord, I know that these are sins, Forgive me!!) ....I know deep down inside that He care....and He knows what I am going through..... and truly apart from Him, I have NO good thing! and for now...that is enough to keep me going......

Updates.....updates...

whoa!! its been quite a long while since I updated my entries here...no thanks to my lousy laptop which is now majorly malfunctioning and unable to connect to the Net......have to resort to using my brother's comp instead!!! arggh....

On top of that...doing a whole month at the ICU was just about killing me!! calls were once every 4th day....and the colleagues whom I had to work with was just about the last straw....can only say that it is by God's grace that I survived the month! Though I must say that I was kinda sad to leave at the end....will really miss the patients and nurses there!!!

Now....as I was mentioning to my fellow colleague.....ICU was just 'organized chaos'.....well, CCU now is just 'chaos'!! sigh..... guess it doesn't get better than this right?!? am still trying to recover from my horrendous call on Monday....but anyway.........

God is still in control ..and for that I am nothing but grateful.....thankful for this hope that I have!

Chill out at Margaritas and Ben & Jerry's at Dempsey!

Hehehe....always nice to chill out after exams with friends....Had a lovely dinner at Dempsey (Margarita's) on Sunday with 2 good friends - Ms. LL and Ms WYM .....thanks gal for taking time out to have dinner with me!!



The arty-farty lamp outside near our table!!!




My yummy red fish veracuza (or something like that sounding) dish!




This was Ms. LL's nice cornflake fish dish...quite nice too!!!


Then, it was off to Ben & Jerry's!! Was looking forward to hear some live music there...unfortunately the singer wasn't performing that night! Sigh! But was did discover that this was probably one of the only B & J with a bar!! So was had delicious cocktails with ice cream!!! Not fantastic, but the music and atmosphere was great!!



Cute lamp with ballet shoes at the base...





Suggestive but very retro/arty painting at the corner we were sitting.....


hmm.....realised that I should chill out more often like this!!