Whoa....it's been a crazy week both physically...and emotionally.....
Had to attend 2 weddings in JB over the weekend.....and my, did it take all my effort and strength....granted....I had the good fortune to be off on the long weekend.....but still....took lots of work and perseverance to get on the road and cross the causeway which was full of holidayers!!!
To top it off....was having a depressive phase at work...... just felt like quitting all the time....felt as though my work was mundane...that I was not helping anyone...that maybe I chose the wrong profession??!!?? felt that I was stuck in a hopeless situation....with people who just suck the life out of me......felt so stuck in this rut......kept asking God whether this was what He wanted me to do....coz it felt so pointless most of the time.......wondered what happend to all my aspirations to help save the world?!? hahaha....guess that those were just wishful dreams.......felt that maybe i misunderstood God and His intentions for me.....maybe I was just running in my own steam....... mebbe the 'dreams and plans' I thought God has for me in Uni was just an 'illusion'?!?
I dunno....felt discouraged..... felt disillusioned......felt hopeless....
granted...i've had these phases before...but nothing as bad as this.......
most nights were just filled with tears as I contemplated in exhaustion where my dreary life was headed to.....
din help that I felt all alone.....with no support from family or friends......worst, those Christian friends who were suppose to be my pillar of support just vanished into thin air....even my cell group was nowhere to be seen or heard......guess that's the kind of community we live in right now?!?
Had a few chats with different people....but the end result was equally dismay.....man, it's hard to find anyone who inspires any hope in me anymore!!! Geez.....
I know , i know.....one will say that this is the enemy at work...and I agree......but it's tough battling and fighting off the enemy ALONE.....coz that's what it feels like... a losing battle.....despite all the knowledge of His promises and His word.....it just felt so distant and irrelevant to me at that point......although of course when we look back, we can laugh and say how silly we were....but at that point in time, it just felt miserable......
Still...the words of this song kept playing in my mind...
' Once again I look upon the cross where You died,
I'm humbled by Your mercy and I'm broken inside,
Once again I thank You,
Once again i pour out my life '
' Thank You for the cross,
Thank You for the cross,
Thank You for the cross,
Thank you for the cross, my Friend'
This is the only thing that is keeping me sane......
Gotta keep the faith....Gotta keep the faith.........
No comments:
Post a Comment