It's only been 2 days since I went back to work after a week long break.......immediately felt black clouds gathering around me.....a sense of dread .....feelings of depression starting to slowly seep in..... it took only 2 days...... sigh...
suddenly felt all kinds of emotions welling up..... fear... anger .... resentment....fatigue...... etc etc....why? I really have no idea....guess it was all those pent up frustrations over the last 3-4 years trying to escape.....
Really really feel like giving up.......really..... even my colleagues are feeling the same way...... it's tough......
I think Mum finally understood.....only in this last trip home....... we had a chat....which ultimately always ends up with the topic of dating/ finding a life partner......being very honest with her....I think she finally sensed my distress....even despair....and the loneliness that sometimes overwhlems......it was with this question: Have u ever considered going back to australia? tt made me realised how long it really took her to understand my predicament......my line of works exerts tremendous stress on me .... physically.... mentally... emotionally ..... even socially, my line of work has impoverished me by diminishing whatever little time and energy i have to socialise and develop meaningful friendships.......and really , its pretty sad when your own family members dun understand at all!!!
then again....who can I blame? I chose to take this path on my own.....stating that I think God called me to this ministry......but these days, i'm seriously beginning to doubt it........maybe i heard wrongly? maybe i was mistaken? .... I really dunno..... maybe, just maybe, its time to head in a different direction.......
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