Lord,
I come before You and ask for Your forgivness. For all my bitterness and unbelief.....for not being able to trust You in Your greatness....for always blaming You for the reason I am single and unattached at this age.....for me not passing my exams ( and allowing other people who are Buddhists to pass)....for grumbling against You and wonder if You truly have my interest in heart.....for complaining against Your church and the people that You have placed in my path ( or not placed in my life).....
Take away this spirit of grumbling/ complaining/cursing......take away the spirit of Envy and Coveteousness........take away the Bitterness and Sadness.....take away the distrust and disbelieve in my heart.....
Replace it with Your LOVE, Your TRUTH, Your FAITH and Your LOVE....remind me again and again of Your awesomeness and faithfulness.....fill me with your PEACE and LOVE.....reassure me that You will be with me as I study for my exams......reassure me that You want the best for me ( including giving me a life partner)....and teach me to pray for the salvation of my non christian friends......to pray for their salvation rather than envy what they have.......help me to see their true nature of 'lostness'....
And make the words of this song the theme in my life:
Your Grace is Enough
Great is Your faithfulness, O God,
You wrestle with the sinners heart
You lead by us still waters
Into mercy
And nothing can keep us apart
*Chorus:
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise, O God
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me
Great is Your love and justice God
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along
*Chorus
*Chorus
Your grace is enough
Heaven reaching out to us
Your grace is enough
For me
Your grace is enough
I'm covered in Your love
Your grace is enough for me
For me
Indeed, may Your grace be all that is enough for me!!!!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
NEPAL MISSION TRIP article - due to appear in Grace Missions Newsletter next year...
NEPAL MEDICAL MISSIONS JULY 2010 ( an article that I wrote on return from our trip):
17th July 2010 was the day that I was waiting for with great anticipation. It was the day that the Medical Mission team from Grace AOG would be flying off to Kathmandu to minister to the medical needs of the rural people in Nepal. Needless to say, I was truly excited. I have been waiting to return to Nepal for more medical work ever since my first trip to Nepal during my medical elective in December 2004. After years of planning, I am finally on the trip back to Nepal again.
I was rather apprehensive initially as I did not know most of the people on this mission trip. However, I really thank God that we worked well together throughout the trip. I had heard so much about Dr LS, our team leader, from my cell group member who had been on these trips before. Meeting him for the first time at Grace I was indeed a privilege. It was during this time that I was introduced to the rest of the team: Dr RL, Dr HL and Ms J.
We arrived in Kathmandu on the 17th of July and were greeted by Ps SEat the airport. Here, we were introduced to 2 other local believers, Sister Kedma and Sister Mithu who would be assisting us on this trip. We had a short break for lunch before taking an internal flight to Nepalganj where we stayed for a night. The next morning, we drove out to a village called Chhinchu which was situated in the Surkhet district in the western terai of Nepal. Even though it was the monsoon season and it rained all throughout the drive, God protected the team and we were able to avoid mudslides to arrive safely at Chhinchu.
On arrival at Chhinchu, I was rather taken aback at the living conditions here. I guess it was actually here that I understood how the villagers here live in very difficult circumstances. The hotel that we stayed had the bare necessities although the electricity and water supply were inconsistent. We even went without running water and electricity for more than 24 hours.
It took a while to get past the initial shock of the living conditions here, but the team were then quickly ushered to the nearby school to start the first session of the clinics. There were many patients already in a long queue by the time we arrived there and they were waiting patiently in the rain. We quickly set up the clinic and started seeing patients. By the time we ended, it was already 6pm and we headed back for dinner.
In the remaining 2 ½ days in Chhinchu, we saw 2240 patients in total with various medical conditions. There were many gynaecological conditions and a number of congenital diseases as well due to the poor antenatal and maternal care here. Whilst we had translators with us, I found that the language difference made it more difficult to obtain a thorough history and to communicate the treatment to the patients. However, I was glad to be able to use the 2 months of language training that I had in my previous visit to Nepal here in this clinic as it made the consultation more efficient. We were all very thankful for the translators and volunteers from the local churches who came to help out at this medical camp.
For me, a highlight of this trip has to be the visit to the local church. We met Ps Solomon who brought us to the new church building that they had. It was really interesting as the church was located in the midst of corn and paddy fields. It was amazing to see how these believers who had so little in terms of material comforts to be so rich in faith and so full of the Holy Spirit. We had a short time of sharing and introduction to the various local pastors with a prayer for the work in this area.
It was later on the way back to Nepalganj at the end of the medical camp that we asked Ps Shwu Eng regarding the impact of these medical trips. I always wondered how all these short term medical camps could make any difference to the locals as we are so limited in terms of equipment, medications and follow up. Apart from the prayer session at the end of the consultation and the spiritual penetration, I personally found it hard to understand the exact purpose of trips like these. However, Ps Shwu Eng’s reply was very apt – “We are here to elevate the position of the local pastors and church planters, helping them to be more visible in the community.” In so doing, the government and local authorities are aware that the believers and the church of God is concerned about the welfare of the local people and seek to reach out to them in tangible ways.
The verse that comes to mind at the end of the trip was Matthew 25: 34 - 40 –“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I was in prison and you came to visit me, .... I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”
May this be the only motivation of the medical missions that we do– for the glory of God!
17th July 2010 was the day that I was waiting for with great anticipation. It was the day that the Medical Mission team from Grace AOG would be flying off to Kathmandu to minister to the medical needs of the rural people in Nepal. Needless to say, I was truly excited. I have been waiting to return to Nepal for more medical work ever since my first trip to Nepal during my medical elective in December 2004. After years of planning, I am finally on the trip back to Nepal again.
I was rather apprehensive initially as I did not know most of the people on this mission trip. However, I really thank God that we worked well together throughout the trip. I had heard so much about Dr LS, our team leader, from my cell group member who had been on these trips before. Meeting him for the first time at Grace I was indeed a privilege. It was during this time that I was introduced to the rest of the team: Dr RL, Dr HL and Ms J.
We arrived in Kathmandu on the 17th of July and were greeted by Ps SEat the airport. Here, we were introduced to 2 other local believers, Sister Kedma and Sister Mithu who would be assisting us on this trip. We had a short break for lunch before taking an internal flight to Nepalganj where we stayed for a night. The next morning, we drove out to a village called Chhinchu which was situated in the Surkhet district in the western terai of Nepal. Even though it was the monsoon season and it rained all throughout the drive, God protected the team and we were able to avoid mudslides to arrive safely at Chhinchu.
On arrival at Chhinchu, I was rather taken aback at the living conditions here. I guess it was actually here that I understood how the villagers here live in very difficult circumstances. The hotel that we stayed had the bare necessities although the electricity and water supply were inconsistent. We even went without running water and electricity for more than 24 hours.
It took a while to get past the initial shock of the living conditions here, but the team were then quickly ushered to the nearby school to start the first session of the clinics. There were many patients already in a long queue by the time we arrived there and they were waiting patiently in the rain. We quickly set up the clinic and started seeing patients. By the time we ended, it was already 6pm and we headed back for dinner.
In the remaining 2 ½ days in Chhinchu, we saw 2240 patients in total with various medical conditions. There were many gynaecological conditions and a number of congenital diseases as well due to the poor antenatal and maternal care here. Whilst we had translators with us, I found that the language difference made it more difficult to obtain a thorough history and to communicate the treatment to the patients. However, I was glad to be able to use the 2 months of language training that I had in my previous visit to Nepal here in this clinic as it made the consultation more efficient. We were all very thankful for the translators and volunteers from the local churches who came to help out at this medical camp.
For me, a highlight of this trip has to be the visit to the local church. We met Ps Solomon who brought us to the new church building that they had. It was really interesting as the church was located in the midst of corn and paddy fields. It was amazing to see how these believers who had so little in terms of material comforts to be so rich in faith and so full of the Holy Spirit. We had a short time of sharing and introduction to the various local pastors with a prayer for the work in this area.
It was later on the way back to Nepalganj at the end of the medical camp that we asked Ps Shwu Eng regarding the impact of these medical trips. I always wondered how all these short term medical camps could make any difference to the locals as we are so limited in terms of equipment, medications and follow up. Apart from the prayer session at the end of the consultation and the spiritual penetration, I personally found it hard to understand the exact purpose of trips like these. However, Ps Shwu Eng’s reply was very apt – “We are here to elevate the position of the local pastors and church planters, helping them to be more visible in the community.” In so doing, the government and local authorities are aware that the believers and the church of God is concerned about the welfare of the local people and seek to reach out to them in tangible ways.
The verse that comes to mind at the end of the trip was Matthew 25: 34 - 40 –“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I was in prison and you came to visit me, .... I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”
May this be the only motivation of the medical missions that we do– for the glory of God!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Now what?!?
Its been truly a long while since my last post....many things have happened.....some good, mostly bad stuff....
Had been holing myself up for the last few months trying very hard to study for my exam ( MRCP PACES), which proved really really challenging....stress levels were all time high....and even my study partner was getting on my nerves....din help that I din think I had enough practice....and all the while trying to be 'nice' to other people......and what do I get in return? Them passing and me not.....life's unfair....what can I do?
Nothing about it actually....I was in the midst of my medical mission trip at Nepal when I received my results at the end of the trip ( on the last day before we fly off from Kathmandu).......was I disappointed? of course! was it unexpected? probably not! anyway....There wasn't anything I could do about it.......
On the other hand, the medical mission trip was an eye-opener....we flew in to Kathmandu on the 18th of July...and then took an internal flight to nepalganj on Buddha air ( which was a bigger plan than the last one I took there!)....we drove a short distance and stayed at Candy's Place at the Travelling Village....
The hotel here was pretty good...each room had mosquito nettings and an attached bathroom. There was even air-conditioning!!! Which is a luxury in this part of the world!!! Dinner and breakfast was pretty good! I liked the waffles and the local food there very much!!! We learnt 3 different ways to cut a mango..... which is pretty interesting...you can either peel the skin and slice VS score the sides ( my usual way) VS cut in through the middle and twist VS squashing the mango and cut off the top and suck the juice....interesting!!!!
Ms R was a life saver with all her munchies and drinks to select from - milo, espresscino, the tarik and horlicks......plus her chocolates, biscuits, bak kwa and fish flosses!!! Plus all the munchies that we bought in Bangkok Airport!! ( The tomyam crisps were a hit!).
Anyhow, we then had to drive approx 2.5 hrs to Chhinchu ( which is in the Surhet District). I was actually rather appalled at the 'hotel' that we arrived at... I was thinking - You mean this is it?!? Its was rather small and rundown hotel owned by a couple from the Dhaulagiri region.....which only had cement floors and walls...basic beds with very thin mattresses and very basic showers and toilets.....It was pretty bad as the electricity and water got cut off on our 2nd day there...
We saw many many patients ( total of 2240 patients!) over 3 days worth of camp...mainly women's health and PID/UTI....UV prolapses topped the list.....we also saw quite varied congenital conditions due to poor antenatal care...that said, some patients were well off enough to be seen in a large hospital and brought their ultrasounds/ CT scans and MRI scans for us to review....
It was the monsoon season and it rained for 2 days and 2 nights that we were there.....thank God we din get caught in a mudslide/ landslide ( we did past by a few areas that had a mudslide on our way back)!!! So really really thank God for keeping us safe!
Finally was so happy to pack up on the last day of the camp and drove back to Candy's place where we stayed 1 night before flying back to kathmandu. Back at Kathmandu, we just chilled out and ate lots of food ( Northfield Cafe, Fire and Ice and Roadhouse Cafe) and visited the House of Dreams ( a.k.a Garden of Dreams) which was next to the palace......plus the rest bought lots of book from the Nepal Book Depot........
And yes, whilst we were tired, all of us were just thankful to be back in Singapore.....
There's another story to tell after this article....stay tuned
Had been holing myself up for the last few months trying very hard to study for my exam ( MRCP PACES), which proved really really challenging....stress levels were all time high....and even my study partner was getting on my nerves....din help that I din think I had enough practice....and all the while trying to be 'nice' to other people......and what do I get in return? Them passing and me not.....life's unfair....what can I do?
Nothing about it actually....I was in the midst of my medical mission trip at Nepal when I received my results at the end of the trip ( on the last day before we fly off from Kathmandu).......was I disappointed? of course! was it unexpected? probably not! anyway....There wasn't anything I could do about it.......
On the other hand, the medical mission trip was an eye-opener....we flew in to Kathmandu on the 18th of July...and then took an internal flight to nepalganj on Buddha air ( which was a bigger plan than the last one I took there!)....we drove a short distance and stayed at Candy's Place at the Travelling Village....
The hotel here was pretty good...each room had mosquito nettings and an attached bathroom. There was even air-conditioning!!! Which is a luxury in this part of the world!!! Dinner and breakfast was pretty good! I liked the waffles and the local food there very much!!! We learnt 3 different ways to cut a mango..... which is pretty interesting...you can either peel the skin and slice VS score the sides ( my usual way) VS cut in through the middle and twist VS squashing the mango and cut off the top and suck the juice....interesting!!!!
Ms R was a life saver with all her munchies and drinks to select from - milo, espresscino, the tarik and horlicks......plus her chocolates, biscuits, bak kwa and fish flosses!!! Plus all the munchies that we bought in Bangkok Airport!! ( The tomyam crisps were a hit!).
Anyhow, we then had to drive approx 2.5 hrs to Chhinchu ( which is in the Surhet District). I was actually rather appalled at the 'hotel' that we arrived at... I was thinking - You mean this is it?!? Its was rather small and rundown hotel owned by a couple from the Dhaulagiri region.....which only had cement floors and walls...basic beds with very thin mattresses and very basic showers and toilets.....It was pretty bad as the electricity and water got cut off on our 2nd day there...
We saw many many patients ( total of 2240 patients!) over 3 days worth of camp...mainly women's health and PID/UTI....UV prolapses topped the list.....we also saw quite varied congenital conditions due to poor antenatal care...that said, some patients were well off enough to be seen in a large hospital and brought their ultrasounds/ CT scans and MRI scans for us to review....
It was the monsoon season and it rained for 2 days and 2 nights that we were there.....thank God we din get caught in a mudslide/ landslide ( we did past by a few areas that had a mudslide on our way back)!!! So really really thank God for keeping us safe!
Finally was so happy to pack up on the last day of the camp and drove back to Candy's place where we stayed 1 night before flying back to kathmandu. Back at Kathmandu, we just chilled out and ate lots of food ( Northfield Cafe, Fire and Ice and Roadhouse Cafe) and visited the House of Dreams ( a.k.a Garden of Dreams) which was next to the palace......plus the rest bought lots of book from the Nepal Book Depot........
And yes, whilst we were tired, all of us were just thankful to be back in Singapore.....
There's another story to tell after this article....stay tuned
Monday, June 14, 2010
Your Grace Is Enough by Chris Tomlin
Great is Your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters in to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me
Great is Your love and justice God
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me [x2]
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me
Your grace is enough
Heaven reaching down to us
Your grace is enough for me
God I see your grace is enough
I'm covered in your love
Your grace is enough for me
For me
This is my current favourite worship song in church!!!
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters in to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me
Great is Your love and justice God
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me [x2]
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me
Your grace is enough
Heaven reaching down to us
Your grace is enough for me
God I see your grace is enough
I'm covered in your love
Your grace is enough for me
For me
This is my current favourite worship song in church!!!
Is There Life After No? ( Part 2 - 4)
This article actually comes in a 4 part series....
The 2nd installment....
Based on some of the comments and emails I received after posting about the year God told us nothing but “no” there are folks out there who wonder how the story ended. Well, it ended here
This is Owosso, Michigan. Unlikeliest of destinations. Corn fields as far as the eye can see and enough farm equipment that my son would soon be able to identify the difference between a “tractor” and a “combine.” Owosso opened its arms to us and I crawled in, lay down and died a little.
The loss of homeland and family felt like a physical wound. I bled; I cried. And for months after the move I felt disorientated and disconnected. I did not sense God in it at all. I walked forward in blind faith, stumbling over myself and my regret.
That was one of the most difficult parts of the process. Before we left South Africa, many well meaning Christians around us had constantly implied that if we just had enough faith it would all work out as we prayed it would. It made me start to ask the hard questions.
But what if it doesn’t work out?
What does that say about how God loves me compared to how God loves you (you who seemingly have your heart’s desire).
And after months of pleading prayer that yielded zero results, it was a bitter pill to hear others casually say, “Oh, well, we should just pray for you then.” As if their prayers carried more weight than ours. As if they had God’s ear and we did not.
It took a long, long time (and much wailing and gnashing of teeth) to pack it in and quit my homeland. Because no amount of prayer – by us or others – ended in the answer we were hoping for.
So, we said good-bye.
We watched as my little brother barreled through security at the airport to give my son one last, desperate hug.
We traveled 28 hours.
And we arrived in Owosso, Michigan.
That’s where I thought the story ended. But, you know already that was – instead – a surprise beginning. And I’m enjoying unpacking it with you all.
But, much like the slow and steady process of making chaos out of of a suitcase that is busting at the seams, it is better done in stages.
So, please come back tomorrow. I hope to unpack a few more pieces with you then.
Part 3:
I’ve been digging through some of my old baggage – sharing pieces of the year God told us a whole lot of “no” and not much else. My hope is that it might encourage you if you find yourself stuck in a place where your prayers seem to be bouncing off the walls. If you want to start from the beginning you can read part 1 here and part 2 here.
After a year and a half in my homeland of South Africa our plans to settle in permanently under the purple boughs of the jacarandas were painfully uprooted. No one was hiring an international and if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that a man needs to work. So I blindly promised my husband that wherever he found a job, we would move.
Turns out that job was in Michigan.
It could not have been more different. Or more perfect a place to recover. Psalm 23 took on literal meaning for me. Out of the desert of God’s silence and our desperation He led us now into green pastures
beside quiet waters
and the Spirit begin the gentle process of restoring our souls.
We couldn’t afford a house or much of a rental either, but family friends had a home they couldn’t sell and were prepared to rent to us for a fraction of its worth in exchange for us being prepared to move out at a moment’s notice if it sold. It was deep in farm country and would have stood vacant if we hadn’t arrived when we did.
Pete’s aunt and uncle lived just around the corner and absorbed us into hearth and home. And slowly we started to find our feet and take tentative steps forward again.
And I discovered that at the heart of my misery – beyond the homesickness and sense of failure – had been a misunderstanding about faith. I had confused faith in God with faith in what God could do for me. I had been viewing God like a mystical vending machine; I inserted my prayers, pulled the handle and expected the desire of my heart to pop out the bottom slot.
Boy, was I deceived.
I have since come to believe that God is not nearly as interested in our happiness as He is in our holiness. What makes me happy is not necessarily what draws me closer to the God who knows my every nook and cranny. And He loves me enough to say, “no” when – as every parent understands – saying “yes” would have been so much simpler.
That doesn’t mean I don’t still ache for home and the could’ve beens if things had worked out there. It just means that I truly understand in a way I never had before, that His will is for His best, which in turn is for my best. Because He is the God of fresh beginnings and beautiful restoration. And I have the baby to prove it.
More on that tomorrow!
Part 4: Alternately titled, “Joy comes in the morning”
After nearly a year in Michigan we traveled home to South Africa for a visit. We were nervous about how it would go. There was still lingering post traumatic stress from our roller coaster lows while living there. You can read about them in part 1, part 2 and part 3 of the story. But we had a secret. It warmed us from the inside and carried us boldly forward.
I was pregnant.
And with each roll of this baby’s new body, each tap of his tiny feet on my belly I felt God’s Spirit whispering comfort and the fulfillment of promise in my heart. A Michigan baby headed to South Africa for the first time. The trip exceeded all our expectations. It was chock-a-block full of understanding and friendship and family ties tight and strong.
Like fresh rain it washed away the dirt and exhaustion of the last time we had been home. And we were left with clean memories. Ready for the imprint of moments like this.
That’s my dad doing the sonogram. He’s the doctor that got the first pictures of Micah’s, um, manhood. The thought of another boy had us all whooping with glee. But a name, we didn’t have a name for a long time.
After three weeks of pap ‘n wors, koesisters, rooibos tea, and oodles of family we left. Again. And this time it only hurt in the good way. The heart so full of faces and places and grins that it wants to explode with a happy bang kind of way. Instead it pounds away in the chest keeping up a stomping rhythm of remembered, relived joy.
On take off, something else stomped. A small foot added its own gumboot beat to the ride. And a name, his name, flashed across my mind.
Micah.
We knew no one by that name. We knew very little about the book. Micah was a minor prophet and his letter included in the Bible is just a few short chapters long.
Micah.
When we got home we looked it up and started to read. And over the echoes of the past two years of “no” God spoke to us in new ways using the ancient words of a prophet to explain where we had come from and where we were going:
Therefore I will look unto the Lord;
I will wait for the God of my salvation:
my God will hear me.
Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy:
when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness,
the LORD shall be a light unto me.
I will bear the indignation of the Lord
because I have sinned against him,
until he plead my cause, and execute judgment for me:
he will bring me forth to the light,
and I shall behold his righteousness.
Micah 7:7-9.
Even now I can’t read those verses without my eyes blurring.
He knew all along what he was doing. Even in the darkest moments, there was a night light burning. And joy, such bright, beautiful joy came in the morning.
Two days after Christmas morning.
Micah.
How wonderful is our God!!!
The 2nd installment....
Based on some of the comments and emails I received after posting about the year God told us nothing but “no” there are folks out there who wonder how the story ended. Well, it ended here
This is Owosso, Michigan. Unlikeliest of destinations. Corn fields as far as the eye can see and enough farm equipment that my son would soon be able to identify the difference between a “tractor” and a “combine.” Owosso opened its arms to us and I crawled in, lay down and died a little.
The loss of homeland and family felt like a physical wound. I bled; I cried. And for months after the move I felt disorientated and disconnected. I did not sense God in it at all. I walked forward in blind faith, stumbling over myself and my regret.
That was one of the most difficult parts of the process. Before we left South Africa, many well meaning Christians around us had constantly implied that if we just had enough faith it would all work out as we prayed it would. It made me start to ask the hard questions.
But what if it doesn’t work out?
What does that say about how God loves me compared to how God loves you (you who seemingly have your heart’s desire).
And after months of pleading prayer that yielded zero results, it was a bitter pill to hear others casually say, “Oh, well, we should just pray for you then.” As if their prayers carried more weight than ours. As if they had God’s ear and we did not.
It took a long, long time (and much wailing and gnashing of teeth) to pack it in and quit my homeland. Because no amount of prayer – by us or others – ended in the answer we were hoping for.
So, we said good-bye.
We watched as my little brother barreled through security at the airport to give my son one last, desperate hug.
We traveled 28 hours.
And we arrived in Owosso, Michigan.
That’s where I thought the story ended. But, you know already that was – instead – a surprise beginning. And I’m enjoying unpacking it with you all.
But, much like the slow and steady process of making chaos out of of a suitcase that is busting at the seams, it is better done in stages.
So, please come back tomorrow. I hope to unpack a few more pieces with you then.
Part 3:
I’ve been digging through some of my old baggage – sharing pieces of the year God told us a whole lot of “no” and not much else. My hope is that it might encourage you if you find yourself stuck in a place where your prayers seem to be bouncing off the walls. If you want to start from the beginning you can read part 1 here and part 2 here.
After a year and a half in my homeland of South Africa our plans to settle in permanently under the purple boughs of the jacarandas were painfully uprooted. No one was hiring an international and if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that a man needs to work. So I blindly promised my husband that wherever he found a job, we would move.
Turns out that job was in Michigan.
It could not have been more different. Or more perfect a place to recover. Psalm 23 took on literal meaning for me. Out of the desert of God’s silence and our desperation He led us now into green pastures
beside quiet waters
and the Spirit begin the gentle process of restoring our souls.
We couldn’t afford a house or much of a rental either, but family friends had a home they couldn’t sell and were prepared to rent to us for a fraction of its worth in exchange for us being prepared to move out at a moment’s notice if it sold. It was deep in farm country and would have stood vacant if we hadn’t arrived when we did.
Pete’s aunt and uncle lived just around the corner and absorbed us into hearth and home. And slowly we started to find our feet and take tentative steps forward again.
And I discovered that at the heart of my misery – beyond the homesickness and sense of failure – had been a misunderstanding about faith. I had confused faith in God with faith in what God could do for me. I had been viewing God like a mystical vending machine; I inserted my prayers, pulled the handle and expected the desire of my heart to pop out the bottom slot.
Boy, was I deceived.
I have since come to believe that God is not nearly as interested in our happiness as He is in our holiness. What makes me happy is not necessarily what draws me closer to the God who knows my every nook and cranny. And He loves me enough to say, “no” when – as every parent understands – saying “yes” would have been so much simpler.
That doesn’t mean I don’t still ache for home and the could’ve beens if things had worked out there. It just means that I truly understand in a way I never had before, that His will is for His best, which in turn is for my best. Because He is the God of fresh beginnings and beautiful restoration. And I have the baby to prove it.
More on that tomorrow!
Part 4: Alternately titled, “Joy comes in the morning”
After nearly a year in Michigan we traveled home to South Africa for a visit. We were nervous about how it would go. There was still lingering post traumatic stress from our roller coaster lows while living there. You can read about them in part 1, part 2 and part 3 of the story. But we had a secret. It warmed us from the inside and carried us boldly forward.
I was pregnant.
And with each roll of this baby’s new body, each tap of his tiny feet on my belly I felt God’s Spirit whispering comfort and the fulfillment of promise in my heart. A Michigan baby headed to South Africa for the first time. The trip exceeded all our expectations. It was chock-a-block full of understanding and friendship and family ties tight and strong.
Like fresh rain it washed away the dirt and exhaustion of the last time we had been home. And we were left with clean memories. Ready for the imprint of moments like this.
That’s my dad doing the sonogram. He’s the doctor that got the first pictures of Micah’s, um, manhood. The thought of another boy had us all whooping with glee. But a name, we didn’t have a name for a long time.
After three weeks of pap ‘n wors, koesisters, rooibos tea, and oodles of family we left. Again. And this time it only hurt in the good way. The heart so full of faces and places and grins that it wants to explode with a happy bang kind of way. Instead it pounds away in the chest keeping up a stomping rhythm of remembered, relived joy.
On take off, something else stomped. A small foot added its own gumboot beat to the ride. And a name, his name, flashed across my mind.
Micah.
We knew no one by that name. We knew very little about the book. Micah was a minor prophet and his letter included in the Bible is just a few short chapters long.
Micah.
When we got home we looked it up and started to read. And over the echoes of the past two years of “no” God spoke to us in new ways using the ancient words of a prophet to explain where we had come from and where we were going:
Therefore I will look unto the Lord;
I will wait for the God of my salvation:
my God will hear me.
Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy:
when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness,
the LORD shall be a light unto me.
I will bear the indignation of the Lord
because I have sinned against him,
until he plead my cause, and execute judgment for me:
he will bring me forth to the light,
and I shall behold his righteousness.
Micah 7:7-9.
Even now I can’t read those verses without my eyes blurring.
He knew all along what he was doing. Even in the darkest moments, there was a night light burning. And joy, such bright, beautiful joy came in the morning.
Two days after Christmas morning.
Micah.
How wonderful is our God!!!
Is There Life After No?
Found This article on the Day spring mail....
When we were living in Ukraine, someone once told me, “You know how we can tell if someone’s American? They’re the ones smiling for no reason.”
Wrap your head around that one.
I heard it five years ago and it’s still a brain teaser for me. In person and over a cup of tea, I could spend hours dissecting the cultural differences it alludes to. But, of late, it’s been the Christian culture I’ve been thinking about more than any other. And how that statement might apply to us all.
“You know how we can tell if someone’s a Christian? They’re the ones smiling and smiling and smiling. Sometimes for no good reason.”
For two years after our time in Ukraine we were anything but fine. After a decade away we had moved back to South Africa with high hopes for relocating back to my motherland. Those plans were eroded; slowly, painfully, and unexpectedly. Not a single step of our homecoming unfolded as we had so blithely assumed it would.
But, by all appearances we were fine. And if anyone asked, that’s what we told them.
I smiled at church. I smiled at playgroup. I smiled at bible study. And I smiled at kids’ birthday parties. I smiled for no good reason I could think of. Other than that I was sure no one expected me to respond to their generic, “So, how’re you doing?” with a bust gut of agony and bloody tears right there in the meet and greet between the worship and the sermon.
How awkward would that be?
“Snot en trane” – the spot-on Afrikaans expression “snot and tears” – is not generally the appropriate response to a pre-service handshake.
So instead I plastered a stubborn smile, band aid-like, over my bleeding innards and got really good at making small talk and deflecting anything that might try to peel back a corner of the tape.
But 18 months later things were worse. And for the first time I was faced with a “no” answer from God that I couldn’t seem to change or understand.
No, your husband won’t get the job he needs.
No, you won’t be able to stay in South Africa.
No, you don’t get to choose where you go next.
I realized I had been expecting the easy “yes” of what I now recognize as Christianity-lite. I thought if I could grin and bear it long enough, things would finally go my way. I know you’ve heard it too. The fluffy take on some pretty serious verses that try to tell you, “All you need is faith” and you’ll get what you want. “Just believe and the Lord will provide.” “Ask and you shall receive.”
So, this profound and resounding “no” was off my grid by a mile.
Things were not fine. Things were not good. Things hurt inside and out. We had to pack up our house and our new baby boy and move away from the family and country we were just rediscovering. The loss was physically painful.
I wrestled a long time with this new God of my “no.” But slowly I discovered that His answer didn’t dismiss my loss. Not if I saw it in the context of His ability to understand and respond to that loss.
Do you know the Bible story of the infertile woman whom God blessed with a child? The prophet Elisha had prayed for her. But before the boy was grown up, he died. And his desperate mother went looking for an answer. Listen to what she says when the prophet asks her that hardest of questions, “How’re you doing?”
“'Is it well with you? Is it well with your husband? Is it well with the child?'" And she answered, "It is well." 2 Kings 4:26.
She was far from fine. But she took that agony to the only person who could understand it. And at the feet of the God she could share her agony and outrage with, she was well. She was able to be real. Her answer didn’t dismiss her loss. It simply put it in the context of God’s ability to respond.
That is where He met me. At the cross-roads of his decision and my acceptance of it; he led me out of my heartache and into a season of redemption and beauty. All without changing his answer.
Instead he changed me.
(You can keep reading my story of change and the year God told us a whole lot of "no" over here).
by Lisa-Jo
When we were living in Ukraine, someone once told me, “You know how we can tell if someone’s American? They’re the ones smiling for no reason.”
Wrap your head around that one.
I heard it five years ago and it’s still a brain teaser for me. In person and over a cup of tea, I could spend hours dissecting the cultural differences it alludes to. But, of late, it’s been the Christian culture I’ve been thinking about more than any other. And how that statement might apply to us all.
“You know how we can tell if someone’s a Christian? They’re the ones smiling and smiling and smiling. Sometimes for no good reason.”
For two years after our time in Ukraine we were anything but fine. After a decade away we had moved back to South Africa with high hopes for relocating back to my motherland. Those plans were eroded; slowly, painfully, and unexpectedly. Not a single step of our homecoming unfolded as we had so blithely assumed it would.
But, by all appearances we were fine. And if anyone asked, that’s what we told them.
I smiled at church. I smiled at playgroup. I smiled at bible study. And I smiled at kids’ birthday parties. I smiled for no good reason I could think of. Other than that I was sure no one expected me to respond to their generic, “So, how’re you doing?” with a bust gut of agony and bloody tears right there in the meet and greet between the worship and the sermon.
How awkward would that be?
“Snot en trane” – the spot-on Afrikaans expression “snot and tears” – is not generally the appropriate response to a pre-service handshake.
So instead I plastered a stubborn smile, band aid-like, over my bleeding innards and got really good at making small talk and deflecting anything that might try to peel back a corner of the tape.
But 18 months later things were worse. And for the first time I was faced with a “no” answer from God that I couldn’t seem to change or understand.
No, your husband won’t get the job he needs.
No, you won’t be able to stay in South Africa.
No, you don’t get to choose where you go next.
I realized I had been expecting the easy “yes” of what I now recognize as Christianity-lite. I thought if I could grin and bear it long enough, things would finally go my way. I know you’ve heard it too. The fluffy take on some pretty serious verses that try to tell you, “All you need is faith” and you’ll get what you want. “Just believe and the Lord will provide.” “Ask and you shall receive.”
So, this profound and resounding “no” was off my grid by a mile.
Things were not fine. Things were not good. Things hurt inside and out. We had to pack up our house and our new baby boy and move away from the family and country we were just rediscovering. The loss was physically painful.
I wrestled a long time with this new God of my “no.” But slowly I discovered that His answer didn’t dismiss my loss. Not if I saw it in the context of His ability to understand and respond to that loss.
Do you know the Bible story of the infertile woman whom God blessed with a child? The prophet Elisha had prayed for her. But before the boy was grown up, he died. And his desperate mother went looking for an answer. Listen to what she says when the prophet asks her that hardest of questions, “How’re you doing?”
“'Is it well with you? Is it well with your husband? Is it well with the child?'" And she answered, "It is well." 2 Kings 4:26.
She was far from fine. But she took that agony to the only person who could understand it. And at the feet of the God she could share her agony and outrage with, she was well. She was able to be real. Her answer didn’t dismiss her loss. It simply put it in the context of God’s ability to respond.
That is where He met me. At the cross-roads of his decision and my acceptance of it; he led me out of my heartache and into a season of redemption and beauty. All without changing his answer.
Instead he changed me.
(You can keep reading my story of change and the year God told us a whole lot of "no" over here).
by Lisa-Jo
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Latest favourite worship song!
At The Cross
Verse 1
Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my ways
Even when I fail You
I know You love me
Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me
Chorus
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?
You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me
Chorus
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now (x5)
You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done (x5)
And when the earth fades
falls from my eyes
You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me
Chorus
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now (x2)
You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done (x4)
Verse 1
Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my ways
Even when I fail You
I know You love me
Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me
Chorus
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?
You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me
Chorus
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now (x5)
You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done (x5)
And when the earth fades
falls from my eyes
You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me
Chorus
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now (x2)
You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done (x4)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)