Whew!! It's been yet another few months of gruelling mixture of work and exams...hours of busy days at work....plus exam stress....sleep deprivation....and angsty exhanges with ppl at the place i now nicknamed 'The Cesspool'..... unfortunately because of the current 'orange' alert due to the swine flu....am unable to get out of this place on time.....yet on the other hand, fortunately i will be covering another part of this terribly busy department that I currently work in.......
It's been yet another roller coaster ride for me....at least mentally....and more importantly, emotionally....whilst I see others around me moving on to the next stage in life ( ie colleagues going out on dates, friends getting hitched...others getting married.....my own sibling having her 1st child).....made me wonder over and over again the same old questions that used to haunt me (and still do).....why am I stuck in this 'twilight' zone and somehow stuck in 2nd gear all the time? When will I finally meet the 'man of my dreams'...get married....have kids......will it ever happen??? I begin to question God.....and start to doubt His goodness and plans for my life.....i begin to scrutinise myself and put myself down......
Why? Why do I always do this to myself?!?
I dunno....I guess I am just human......
On the other hand, it seems so laughable that one can be so preoccupied with this thought and end up in a downward spiral because of it........kinda brought things to a halt after today's sermon ......pastor has aptly run a series on revelations ....which seems so relevant in view of what's happening in the world - the economy, the swine flu, etc etc....... in view of the possible plagues coming, my problems seems so small and insignificant.....laughable to say the least.....
But what truly struck a chord in me today was this verse - 'I will repay you what the locusts has taken' - joel 2: 25....wow!! most people wouldn't even know where this verse is found much lest quote it ad verbatim......but for me, it is more than a familiar passage from the old testament.....it is a promise.....a promise given to me 7 years ago ....promising me the salvation of not just my nuclear family, but for my whole extended family (and for those who know, it amounts to many many people!!)......Indeed, God is good....and He NEVER forgets his promises to us......He is always faithful to bring His promises to us to pass...albeit in His ways and in His timing........
So I guess....for now, I can leave this issue safely in His hands....and walk away with a chuckle in my heart....knowing that He knows the desires of my heart.....and He will give me an answer in His time......and all I need to do is wait.....and know that He is good....and faithful......
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
interesting read....
Dug this out from my email account amidst the scores of junkmail I receive from friends....found this a gem worth keeping.....
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
by Dov Heller, M.A.
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no
one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,
it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
finding Mr./Miss. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,
they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people
make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on
love. Though this may sound 'not politically correct', there's a
profound truth here.
Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of
a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love
will come. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship
on love alone'; You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about
finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for
20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you
plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together?
You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a
common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or
(2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The
basis of having good communication is trust â€' i.e. trust that I won't
get 'punished'; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.
A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you
feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with
yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the
person you plan to marry.
QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a
regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of
mine defines a good person as 'someone who is always striving to be good
and do the right ';. So ask about your significant other: What do they
do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a
materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character
refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who
are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to
seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will
put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know
that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
wrapped up in themselves and selfâ€' absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people
whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi
drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they
have gratitude and appreciation?
If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them
everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that
someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as
well.
QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention
of trying to 'improve'; them after they're married. As a colleague of
mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to change after marriage
for the worse' If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are
now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.
The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with
your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;
to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on
your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't
do your homework.
Another perspective...
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at
least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
notâ€'going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention...
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going
downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones dont appreciate you?
Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and caring words or annotations.
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets
to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your
life.
An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye'; Before you get involved and make a
commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low selfâ€'esteem make you blind to
warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can
change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that
important.
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life'; you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness
or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the
wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
etc.)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
9.GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
10. CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will
replace.
Wished more people would understand this...unfortunately most of my answers to the first few questions are in the negative....guess that kinda sums up my life right now.....and maybe being single at this point is just the right thing for me.....
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
by Dov Heller, M.A.
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no
one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,
it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
finding Mr./Miss. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,
they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people
make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on
love. Though this may sound 'not politically correct', there's a
profound truth here.
Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of
a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love
will come. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship
on love alone'; You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about
finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for
20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you
plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together?
You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a
common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or
(2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The
basis of having good communication is trust â€' i.e. trust that I won't
get 'punished'; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.
A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you
feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with
yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the
person you plan to marry.
QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a
regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of
mine defines a good person as 'someone who is always striving to be good
and do the right ';. So ask about your significant other: What do they
do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a
materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character
refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who
are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to
seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will
put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know
that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
wrapped up in themselves and selfâ€' absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people
whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi
drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they
have gratitude and appreciation?
If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them
everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that
someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as
well.
QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention
of trying to 'improve'; them after they're married. As a colleague of
mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to change after marriage
for the worse' If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are
now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.
The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with
your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;
to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on
your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't
do your homework.
Another perspective...
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at
least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
notâ€'going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention...
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going
downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones dont appreciate you?
Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and caring words or annotations.
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets
to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your
life.
An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye'; Before you get involved and make a
commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low selfâ€'esteem make you blind to
warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can
change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that
important.
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life'; you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness
or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the
wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
etc.)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
9.GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
10. CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will
replace.
Wished more people would understand this...unfortunately most of my answers to the first few questions are in the negative....guess that kinda sums up my life right now.....and maybe being single at this point is just the right thing for me.....
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Give thanks, with a grateful heart.....
Been more and more acutely aware of hwo ungrateful I have been....complaining about work every single day.....and to top it off, resenting everything that went/ is wrong in my life.....
The message by Ps David Lim on saturday was what I needed to hear.....a good dose of fear and awe after reading the passage from Revelations 8 - 11.....i guess when u read abt the end times, every difficult circumstances seem pale in comparison.....right?
So....thought I would come of a list of things to be grateful for....
1) I have a job...that pays for the bills...
2) I have a place to live... now...and also the provision of a new home (downstairs!!)...
3) I have a wonderful family - mum and dad and siblings...
4) I know Jesus and am assured of my position in Christ...
5) I have the word of God with me...
6) I have nice colleagues and seniors (well, most of the time lar)
7) I am healthy and can walk....
8) I have friends....
Oklar....need to think abt this a bit more....
GTG now..
The message by Ps David Lim on saturday was what I needed to hear.....a good dose of fear and awe after reading the passage from Revelations 8 - 11.....i guess when u read abt the end times, every difficult circumstances seem pale in comparison.....right?
So....thought I would come of a list of things to be grateful for....
1) I have a job...that pays for the bills...
2) I have a place to live... now...and also the provision of a new home (downstairs!!)...
3) I have a wonderful family - mum and dad and siblings...
4) I know Jesus and am assured of my position in Christ...
5) I have the word of God with me...
6) I have nice colleagues and seniors (well, most of the time lar)
7) I am healthy and can walk....
8) I have friends....
Oklar....need to think abt this a bit more....
GTG now..
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Moving house yet again....
can't believe this is happening again!! ARGGHHHH!!!!
for the dunno how many times now have to look for a new home!!
No thanks to my unethical landlady/ housing agent who decided to sell my current home.......sigh......here starts the whole process again of looking, viewing, packing and finally physically moving!!! hate this!!!!
Anyway , Lord I trust that You will provide not just a lovely, convenient and cheap property, but also one that stays permanent and won't be sold enbloc, etc etc.....
The life of a Singapore tenant!!!!
for the dunno how many times now have to look for a new home!!
No thanks to my unethical landlady/ housing agent who decided to sell my current home.......sigh......here starts the whole process again of looking, viewing, packing and finally physically moving!!! hate this!!!!
Anyway , Lord I trust that You will provide not just a lovely, convenient and cheap property, but also one that stays permanent and won't be sold enbloc, etc etc.....
The life of a Singapore tenant!!!!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
of SVTs and AVRTs...
sigh...Dad was admitted again to hospital for palpitations....guess this time he really got scared coz the IV verapamil took a while to kick in...HR racing at 180bpm.......thank God nothing serious happened...especially when he was alone at home.....(mum being the 'party animal' decided to go to Malacca with her sisters and was in KL at that time)...........
Thank you Lord for watching over him!!!
Thank you Lord for watching over him!!!
Monday, February 9, 2009
What have I become????
Things have been moving along over the past 1 month since my last entry here....feel less angsty at work...probably coz the work I'm doing now is lighter, and yes - more brainless.... but suddenly dawned upon me of what a 'monster' I've become since joining this department......
Just realised that days are filled with:
- bitching about other people who can't work / incompetent
- grumbling about how bad life is
- being negative all the time
- feeling desperate that all my friends are attached/ married/ having kids whilst I remain in the 'single' category
- being a 'nasty' and unforgiving person
" Father forgive me when I lose my focus ....sometimes I even forget what that is.....to be more like Jesus.......help me to be more understanding....to show grace...to forgive others ... and also myself when others/ I make a mistake.....help me to be more like You.....I dun wanna be like the rest of the world....it may be acceptable by their standards, but I know that it is not according to Yours....Change me from the inside , Lord!"
Just realised that days are filled with:
- bitching about other people who can't work / incompetent
- grumbling about how bad life is
- being negative all the time
- feeling desperate that all my friends are attached/ married/ having kids whilst I remain in the 'single' category
- being a 'nasty' and unforgiving person
" Father forgive me when I lose my focus ....sometimes I even forget what that is.....to be more like Jesus.......help me to be more understanding....to show grace...to forgive others ... and also myself when others/ I make a mistake.....help me to be more like You.....I dun wanna be like the rest of the world....it may be acceptable by their standards, but I know that it is not according to Yours....Change me from the inside , Lord!"
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
JUST WAIT
Found this nice poster in the cath lab where I work....found it truly inspirational!
JUST WAIT
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied,
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate....
and the Master so gently said " Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers , I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry;
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting.....for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine....
and He tenderly said, " I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want , but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
but you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just waht you ask
from an infinite God who makes what you have last.
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still.....WAIT'.
Sums up most of what I have felt over the last few months.....heh....
JUST WAIT
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied,
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate....
and the Master so gently said " Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers , I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry;
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting.....for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine....
and He tenderly said, " I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want , but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
but you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just waht you ask
from an infinite God who makes what you have last.
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still.....WAIT'.
Sums up most of what I have felt over the last few months.....heh....
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