interesting read....

Dug this out from my email account amidst the scores of junkmail I receive from friends....found this a gem worth keeping.....

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no
one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,
it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,
they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people
make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on
love. Though this may sound 'not politically correct', there's a
profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of
a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love
will come. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship
on love alone'; You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about
finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for
20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you
plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together?
You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a
common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or
(2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The
basis of having good communication is trust â€' i.e. trust that I won't
get 'punished'; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.
A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you
feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with
yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the
person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a
regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of
mine defines a good person as 'someone who is always striving to be good
and do the right ';. So ask about your significant other: What do they
do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a
materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character
refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who
are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to
seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will
put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know
that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
wrapped up in themselves and selfâ€' absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people
whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi
drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they
have gratitude and appreciation?
If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them
everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that
someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as
well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention
of trying to 'improve'; them after they're married. As a colleague of
mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to change after marriage
for the worse' If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are
now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.
The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with
your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating;
to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on
your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't
do your homework.

Another perspective...
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at
least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
notâ€'going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention...
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going
downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones dont appreciate you?
Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and caring words or annotations.

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets
to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your
life.

An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye'; Before you get involved and make a
commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low selfâ€'esteem make you blind to
warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can
change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that
important.
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life'; you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness
or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the
wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
etc.)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
9.GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
10. CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will
replace.

Wished more people would understand this...unfortunately most of my answers to the first few questions are in the negative....guess that kinda sums up my life right now.....and maybe being single at this point is just the right thing for me.....

Give thanks, with a grateful heart.....

Been more and more acutely aware of hwo ungrateful I have been....complaining about work every single day.....and to top it off, resenting everything that went/ is wrong in my life.....

The message by Ps David Lim on saturday was what I needed to hear.....a good dose of fear and awe after reading the passage from Revelations 8 - 11.....i guess when u read abt the end times, every difficult circumstances seem pale in comparison.....right?


So....thought I would come of a list of things to be grateful for....
1) I have a job...that pays for the bills...
2) I have a place to live... now...and also the provision of a new home (downstairs!!)...
3) I have a wonderful family - mum and dad and siblings...
4) I know Jesus and am assured of my position in Christ...
5) I have the word of God with me...
6) I have nice colleagues and seniors (well, most of the time lar)
7) I am healthy and can walk....
8) I have friends....

Oklar....need to think abt this a bit more....
GTG now..

Moving house yet again....

can't believe this is happening again!! ARGGHHHH!!!!
for the dunno how many times now have to look for a new home!!
No thanks to my unethical landlady/ housing agent who decided to sell my current home.......sigh......here starts the whole process again of looking, viewing, packing and finally physically moving!!! hate this!!!!

Anyway , Lord I trust that You will provide not just a lovely, convenient and cheap property, but also one that stays permanent and won't be sold enbloc, etc etc.....

The life of a Singapore tenant!!!!

of SVTs and AVRTs...

sigh...Dad was admitted again to hospital for palpitations....guess this time he really got scared coz the IV verapamil took a while to kick in...HR racing at 180bpm.......thank God nothing serious happened...especially when he was alone at home.....(mum being the 'party animal' decided to go to Malacca with her sisters and was in KL at that time)...........

Thank you Lord for watching over him!!!

What have I become????

Things have been moving along over the past 1 month since my last entry here....feel less angsty at work...probably coz the work I'm doing now is lighter, and yes - more brainless.... but suddenly dawned upon me of what a 'monster' I've become since joining this department......

Just realised that days are filled with:
- bitching about other people who can't work / incompetent
- grumbling about how bad life is
- being negative all the time
- feeling desperate that all my friends are attached/ married/ having kids whilst I remain in the 'single' category
- being a 'nasty' and unforgiving person

" Father forgive me when I lose my focus ....sometimes I even forget what that is.....to be more like Jesus.......help me to be more understanding....to show grace...to forgive others ... and also myself when others/ I make a mistake.....help me to be more like You.....I dun wanna be like the rest of the world....it may be acceptable by their standards, but I know that it is not according to Yours....Change me from the inside , Lord!"

JUST WAIT

Found this nice poster in the cath lab where I work....found it truly inspirational!

JUST WAIT

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied,
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate....
and the Master so gently said " Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers , I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry;
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting.....for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine....
and He tenderly said, " I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want , but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
but you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just waht you ask
from an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still.....WAIT'.


Sums up most of what I have felt over the last few months.....heh....

New Year - looking ahead....yet at the same time reflecting on the past year gone by....

Was feeling rather forlorn...thinking abt spending the last day of 2008 alone at home.....yet, on the other hand....am probably more contented doing this than squeezing in between the new year's eve crowd out partying on the streets!!!

Must say that 2008 has been an eventful year...full of ups and downs...been like a rollercoaster ride.....yet all in all, I know God is in charge of my life....it has to be - coz most days I dun feel in control of my own life!

Reflecting on this song - one of my favourite Christian song for the year....

God of my days - Zach Neese (Gateway worship)
You awaken my heart from slumbering
Meet me in mourning and You speak to my grief
You're the light in my darkness, the delight of my eyes
The hope of the daybreak when the sun's slow to rise

I trust that every moment's in Your hand

Chorus:
God of my days
King of my nights
Lord of my laughter
Sovereign in sorrow
You're the Prince of my praise, the Love of my life
You never leave me,
You are faithful
God of my days


You unveil my eyes, help me to see
The arms of the Father encircling me
You're a constant companion , I'm never alone
Your love is the banner that's leading me home

My eyes are on You
my hope is in You
my faith is in You

Chorus...

How true.....those words sums up my 2008 experience....and yet in it all, I can only attest to His faithfulness....although most of the time it felt hard......

And then, in my quiet time today...the words from 2 Thessalonians 3 stood out.....

' But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one....May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.'


What a promise for 2009!! Indeed, I know He will remain faithful to me......

Lord, I pray that You will continue to guide me in 2009 and show me the way that I should walk in. Most days, it just seems a blur, so purposeless, so meaningless......I need Your guidance.... Your wisdom and direction .....tell me where I should go and what I should do....help me to be sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit....help me to reach out to those around me.....teach me what it means to be a channel of Your love to them....Use me, mould me...guide me......I pray all these in Your name . Amen!