Internal Struggles

2020 started tough - with the COVID-19 pandemic.
As we struggle through, I had to deal with more issues ( internally) with my family.
As I turned to my only comfort - Christian songs, I came upon this in my playlist ( obviously put there by me in some forgotten time) which spoke volumes to my heart and soul:

Blessings - by Laura Story:

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Laura Story
Blessings lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music Inc

The story behind this lady - husband was diagnosed with a brain tumour and she prayed for healing, which didn't came in the way that she hoped.

Gives me lots of comfort in times like this.
I don't know if anyone can understand what I am going through, but I am sure I am never alone. Never will He forsake me.
Amen..

Day 4: The 4 focuses of History Makers

Wow, this is getting hard. Waking up consistently at 5 AM everyday is tough when one has a 2.5 year old co-sleeping. But I will try to persevere.


The 4 focuses of history makers:
1) Capitalisation IQ

2) Freedom from distraction

3) Personal mastery practice

4) Day stacking


Its interesting that the writer uses the exact same words I used many years ago - History Makers. I've forgotten this motto for so long that when I read this, I realised how lost I have been.

" The beginning of transformation is the increase of perception. As you see more you can materialise more. And once you know better you can achieve bigger. The great men and women of the world - the ones responsible for the magical symphonies, the beautiful moments, the advancements of science and the progress of technology - started by reengineering their thinking and reinventing their awareness. In so doing, they entered a secret universe that the majority could not perceive. And this, in turn, allowed them to make the daily choices few choose to make. Which, automatically delivered the daily results few get to experience."

Read a book recently by Dr Rana Awdish - wonderful read. It really should be read by everyone before entering or whilst they are in medical school. Deep insights when one becomes a patient. Cried bucketloads at every dramatic time point that occurred- tragedy after tragedy. Its amazing how resilient our bodies actually are. But what's more amazing is the strength of our minds and the drive of our emotions to help the body survive, despite all odds. Take home message from this - Never Give Up.

Day 3 - The 5 AM Club

After missing 2 days of waking up at 5 AM, managed to get back to it again today. Needed that energy boost in the morning. Also, my lower back pain started again so I think its important I do something to prevent that from happening.

To share more gems from the book:
The 4 Interior Empires:
E1: Mindset ( Psychology)
E2: Heartset (Emotionality)
E3: Healthset ( Physicality)
E4: Soulset ( Spirituality)

"Your influence in the world mirrors the glory, nobility, vitality and luminosity you've accessed in yourself. Very few people in this time of superficiality and human creatures behaving like artificial machines remember this essential life truth. External always expresses internal, without always reflect within."

So simple, yet so profound.

Brings an old song to mind which I've been listening to.

I Am by Nicole Nordeman

Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn't always this tall
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed
You watched my team win
You watched my team lose
You watched when my bicycle went down again
And when I was weak, unable to speak
Still I could call You by name
And I said, Elbow Healer, Super Hero
Come if you can
You said, I Am

Only sixteen, life is so mean
What kind of curfew is at 10 p.m.
You saw my mistakes.
And watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I' d never love again
And when I was weak, unable to speak
Still I could call You by name
And I said, Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper
Be my best friend
And you said, I Am

You saw me wear white by pale candlelight
I said forever to what lies ahead
Two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream
Too much it might seem when it is two a.m.
And when I am weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name
Shepherd, Savior, Pasture Maker
Hold onto my hand
You say, I Am

The winds of change and circumstance blow in and all around us
So we find a foothold that's familiar
And bless the moments that we feel you nearer
When life had begun, I was woven and spun
You let the angels dance around the throne
And who can say when, but they'll dance again
When I am free and finally headed home
I will be weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name
Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer
Lord and King, Beginning and the End

I Am
Yes, I Am

Day 2: The 20/20/20 Formula

So, I managed to wake up at 5 AM again. ( Ok, probably 5 minutes late).
Wanted to talk about what was proposed that we do during the time that we wake up at 5AM.

1st 20 minutes: Exercise to get your metabolism going. You must sweat.

next 20 minutes: Reflect. Journal. ( Wow! was already doing this wayyyy back in Uni!)

Final 20 minutes: Read. Grow.

Really not rocket science. But one needs to be disciplined to keep waking up at 5AM ( at least 66 days) for this to be a habit.

Was listening to this ( instead of reading just because I don't want to wake Baby E up) and I know that God is starting a healing process in me.

Lyrics for Instruments of Your Peace (Prayer) by Don Moen

That's our prayer Lord, make us the instruments of your peace
Forgive us for showing hatred when we should have reached held in love
Forgive us for judging when we are the ones
Who deserved to be judged

Now with your help we extend
forgiveness to all who have sinned against us
Deliberately or unknowingly and asked that you begin to heal us
Renew us realign us with your will and your way
To make a way where there seems to be no way


Prayer of Saint Francis ( although apparently this was anonymous)

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me bring love.
Where there is offense, let me bring pardon.
Where there is discord, let me bring union.
Where there is error, let me bring truth.
Where there is doubt, let me bring faith.
Where there is despair, let me bring hope.
Where there is darkness, let me bring your light.
Where there is sadness, let me bring joy.
O Master, let me not seek as much
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love,
for it is in giving that one receives,
it is in self-forgetting that one finds,
it is in pardoning that one is pardoned,
it is in dying that one is raised to eternal life.

Lord, forgive me so that I can forgive others. Amen.

Day 1 (The 5 AM club)

Yes! Managed to wake up by 5AM today and did some exercise. I will start small and increase the duration each day.

Reflection for today ( taken from Robin Sharma's book of the same title above):

Those who feel more than most people sometimes believe they have been cursed. In fact, they have been granted a gift , one that allows them to sense what others miss, experience the delights that most neglect and notice the majesty in ordinary moments. Yes, such people get hurt more easily, yet they are also the ones who create great symphonies, architect dazzling buildings and find cures for the sick. Tolstoy once noted that 'only people who are capable of loving strongly can suffer great sorrow' while the great Sufi poet Rumi wrote, 'You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens'.


This spoke volumes to me since this was exactly how I felt about my life. Many days in Melbourne, I felt like I was cursed and now I finally see it in a different light. More recently, a colleague said to me: 'Don't care so much. That's why you feel upset about this situation at work.' In a way he was right about the why. But he got the conclusion so very wrong.

This is who I am: A carer. I cannot just walk away and don't give two hoots about a situation that I care about. I cannot say I don't care what happens to the people I lead. I just can't. It is not me.

When you distill it down to the core of the issue: I care because I am passionate about the work that I do.

And that my friend, is how one becomes a History-Maker.

2019: A year of miracles and new beginnings!

2018 came and went. Didn't know where all the time went. At the end of the year, I felt drained, frustrated and tired all the time. It wasn't all bad though.

Baby E has grown up to be the cutest girl I know ( of course, I am biased!). She is full of energy and life. Se is also very funny at times and comical at other times. She makes us do silly things but most of all, she makes me laugh with joy! Can't imagine what life would be without her. She's now more vocal and asking: 'Hey, what's that sound? Mama, what's that?'. All the time. Seeing her play with her cousins brings me such happiness but also at times some regret - that we don't live closer to our relatives so she could play with them everyday.

On the downside, work has been a complete bummer. Since moving on to be the clinical lead at another institution, I have just faced frustrations after frustrations. Well, no one said being a pioneer was easy, I guess. I think I was just more disappointed with my superiors who didn't care about what I did nor seem interested to grow the work where I am. Dissecting the situation to find out the root cause of my unhappiness, I guess it boils down to these few things:
a) Overworked
b) Lack of demonstration of leadership by my bosses ( i.e no overall planning of divisional expansion given that changes are inevitable in our field)
c) Superficiality ( the fact that my superiors pay 'lip service' to me only but do not deliver any practical help to my situation at work)
d) Unappreciated - need I say more?
e) Depression - it's hard not to end up depressed if you are overworked, suffer a working mother's guilt everyday, lack of exercise and being disconnected to God.

My saving grace in life would be my husband. He never fails to encourage me to do more and better myself. He never fails to remind me that all these work that we do is temporary and we should aim to do real work that matters. He never fails to plan holidays all year round because he recognised that I needed the break and time away from a toxic working environment. Thank God I have him!

Then, I chanced upon a self help book at my brother in law's home during our recent trip there.




That book has been totally life changing!
More on this in my next post.

What a difference a 7 year hiatus has made in my life!

Just decided to have a look at my blog after 7 years. So many things have changed! Too many things to write about which has happened during that time. A short summary should suffice:
2011 - Got engaged to Mr X ( yes, on my birthday!)
2012 - A very difficult and emotionally labile time as Mr X was away for quite a whilst.
2013 - 6/12/2013 was our ROM date.
2014 - 4/10/2014 was our wedding ceremony which was held at Rohrbacher Shclosschen at Heidelberg. Had a fantastic wedding planner ( Britta Kees). Thoroughly enjoyed myself that day and the photos were wonderful.
2015 - Finally completed all my pathology exams! Yay! - November 2015 - the day we found out that a new member was joining the family! Sweet!
2016 - 25/6/2016 ( The faithful day that we welcomed Baby E into our lives)! What a year! Truly a year of new beginnings!
2017 - Year of Jubilee + perpetual tiredness! Yes, Baby E has greatly enriched our lives - even when fatigue sets in. So amazing how fast babies grow. In a blink of an eye, she turns 1! Am eternally grateful to God for watching over my family and I. - Career wise - things were going smoothly. Received my promotion which was great. However, with a promotion it also means more work and responsibilities and less time with Baby E. Juggling work and family was tough at times. Working mother's guilt used to surface every now and then. In all circumstances, God has always been good to me and sending friends at a timely fashion.
2018 - The year has just started and I am sure there will be many more good things in store. This will be a Year of Grace and Thanksgiving. Need to keep reminding myself to be less negative and critical and to be more optimistic and encouraging.

The Lion King.....and the letting go....

Just got back to Sg from a 10 day break.....it was restful...but full of internal conflict...no thanks to Mr X.....felt soo bad that he spent so much on dinner a few weeks back, so decided to buy him dinner and a movie....we ended up watching 127 hours starring James Franco - gory even for medics like us!!! ;P so was not sure it was the best movie to watch.........
I actually don't know why I did that....just wanted to let him know I was going back to malaysia .....and he texted me back after I got home to thank me for dinner and the show...and to buzz him when I got back...I was just rather worried about his flu that sounded pretty bad.....but had resolved not to call him whilst I was in Malaysia....needed to sort things out in my head and heart.....
Well...the trip home was restful....with pockets of stress as mum and dad were again yelling at each other....and having to babysit my nephew and niece with my mum......it seemed like I was at work...getting up at 7 am and going home at about 8pm!!! ;P but they are both sooo cute it was really good to see them grow up .....so quickly!!!!!
Whilst I tried to pray and ask God for a sign about Mr X.......there were no answers....no conclusions.....zilch.......well, at least I tried right? I told God, if he asked me out again....then I would really need to try and broach the subject about 'us' ( if there was even an us to talk about)......and the whole I don't date non believers thingy.....
I got back to Sg on thursday and sent Mr X a text that I was back...immediately he suggested watching The Lion King musical...I was like - wow! He's a musical fan too??? I told him I watched it already in melbourne, but was open to the idea of watching it again since it was soo good....and so he went to get the tickets for Saturday night.......I was excited all over again.....Why? I dun really know......I was also really worried - since I decided it was time to broach the whole faith thing......
Sat came....and we both enjoyed the musical..... I was surprised that he again spent a fortune for the tickets - which came with a complimentary drink ( we had champagne?!?) and a souvenir.....I almost wanted to faint looking at the cost of the tickets.....why does he keep doing this????




Since we didn't manage to get dinner before the musical....we headed off for dinner after that......a really late dinner......chatted about everything from work to insurance policies...to finally the all consuming topic of religion.....he's pretty curious and seeking....although he has very preconceived ideas and what he believes about our own existence/ creation....and his theory of space- time- continuum......I tried very hard to argue for a case for Christianity...but I think he is not open to the idea yet.....but at the core of him, it stems from a fear...fear of death, fear of emotions and what it means.....and because of that, he had to think up an explanation for all these things in life.....

Since he was quite insistent that his theory is true.....I backed off....and decided it was not a good time to talk about 'us'...was beginning to feel that there was no 'us' in his life.....mebbe it was all just my imagination....I left it as such....and I have decided in my heart that he is just a friend...and a mission to win him for Christ.....and that's all.....

I can only hope and pray that his eyes will be open and his spirit touched by the Holy Spirit.....

Decadent dinner......

I was looking forward to having dinner with Mr X on the 19th of Feb 2011......we had made arrangements a week ago....but I was rather perplexed that he didn't even bother to call or text me the details......so on the pretext that I had other dinners to arrange...I texted him asking if it was still on...and he said yes....
I wanted to know the time and place...and he just said that he'll pick me up at 6pm.....I asked who else was coming ( we were supposed to have dinner with the rest of our colleagues) and he just evaded the question and suggested inviting 2 colleagues that he knew I abhorred......the funny part was that there was a dress code - semi formal ?!? I was puzzled to say the least... he said that the dinner venue was a surprise for me...but he was very certain that I would like it....I was like ' huh'????

I was thinking - ' Hmm...he thinks he knows me very well now does he? We shall see...'

I was truly racking my head as to what to wear...and wondering desperately where we were going for dinner....and if it would end up being a romantic date with him......so I decided to take a chance and wear a sexy red number ( I love this dress by the way!) and got my hair and nails done just for it!!! I thought I was going mad!!!!

Now I truly understood the phrase - curiosity killed the cat!!!! @_@

D- Day......so it arrived....and I was dressed to the nines waiting for him to pick me up...with my little gift in my bag...in case other people showed up....and it was not a date, I would be less embarrassed...

So we ended up turning into the Marina Bay Sands...I was thinking - this should be good.....and he refused to let me pay for the cab ride ( which was our usual practice).....and I relented......I was excited!!!! ;)

So we were standing outside Santi, a Michelin restaurant at the Celebrity Restaurants ..but it was closed...I was like, why are we at a place that is closed?!? He wanted to tell me the story of how we were supposed to go to Santi instead but the chef had just passed away from a heart attack!!! So we hopped over to the next door restaurant, Guy Savoy...




Its a 1 star Michelin restaurant with a chef who owns 2 other restaurants - Guy Savoy in Paris and Guy Savoy Las Vegas ( both Michelin Star restaurants)
So basically it serves french food...with a pretty good range of wines.......and a pretty good sommelier.....

I liked the interior...quiet...with bay windows facing the waterfront to watch the laser show at night.....it has a great view of Fullerton from here......and the candles were interesting...



Mr X had already ordered the Menu Prestige when he booked our table...so I didn't even get to see the menu...except the wine list....which is as thick as my pathology textbook!!!!! But looking at the price of the wine per glass ( approx SGD 30 for a glass of champagne)...I knew that this dinner didn't come cheap....

For start...the bread that came was a bit hard...but the salted and unsalted butter as well as the salt and pepper came in pretty glass bowls...



We had complimentary entrees by the chef - foie gras on some wafer biscuits...did not manage to get a photo ( in fact, all the photos here are borrowed)....

Then, there was another entree , compliments of the chef - actually I think it was a parsnip based dish...but the photo looks something like this...


U pour the soup into the cup and give it a stir and drink it like a tequila shot....



Voila - when you lift up the cup, there's a little surprise below!!!

Then it was their signature dish - Oyster on Ice Gelee



Maine Lobster 'Raw Cooked' in Cold Steam - this picture doesn't have the holey dish where there is dry ice below and there's steam coming out.......we decided that it looked like a scene from Harry Potter..... but it was really really tasty!!!




Crispy sea bass with delicate spices...the scales are supposed to be eaten!!!




Colours of caviar - I have never eaten caviar...so it was a bit strange....but nice....




Foie gras with beetroot and radish - am not crazy over foie gras...think Ms W would have adored it though....



Toasted mushroom brioche that goes with their signature dish - Artichoke and Black Truffle Soup



This is how you eat this!!! This dish has celebrated its 20th anniversary!!!!





Then , it was the Pigeon 'Poche-Roti' , Pumpkin Gratin and watercress- didn't manage to get a picture of this...it was interesting to say the least!!!!! The waiter made it a point to say that the pigeon is from France...not our local pigeons! Bet he get asked that question a lot!!! ;)

Then came the cheese trolley....



We selected a few - but I must say it was too salty and too strong for my liking....

I was awaiting the dessert and dessert trolley to come!!!!!

First up was the complimentary meringue with hibiscus jelly and another dessert with hibiscus jelly at the base....



Was very impressed with the meringue...light and fluffy.....the best I have had ever!!!!


Then it was the Apple Textures - basically an apple sorbet with fresh apple chips with a pear compote and apple juice...light and sourish...the way I like it!!!

Then it was their famous chocholate orb!!! Described as an 'imploding' dessert...whereby you pour hot chocolate over the chocolate ball and it melts inwards to reveal a surprise - poached pears!!!! Perfect!






Then, the moment we were waiting for - the Dessert Trolley!!! So you can order as many dessert as you like....wow!!!!




We had some sorbet....




And then I had the Green Tea and Earl Grey biscuit ( super yummy!), Passionfruit Macaroon, Peach and Chocolate Tart and another Chocolate and Coffee Mousse Tart.

To top it off, he ordered champagne, a red wine and a dessert wine.....it was very very decadent!!!

He refused to let me see the bill...and refused to let me pay....even for the cab fare back.....And also gave me 2 books....which I thought was rather strange....but it just reflects his thoughtfulness...he knows that I read a lot...and probably didn't strike him as the cheap flowers type of person!!! I dunno.....But I was glad that I had already prepared a gift for him....after thinking very loong and hard about what would be appropriate...for a person who has the ability to get or buy whatever he wants......something from the heart......

I must say that I almost had a myocardial infarction looking at how much the degustation menu costed on their website.....I dunno how I can repay him......and I really cannot comprehend why he would spend that kind of money on me......but I really really had a great time .... and this is one the most memorable dinner I will ever have in my life!!!

Thank you Mr X!!!! ;)

CNY 2011

After my parents came for a week to Singapore to celebrate Chinese New Year with my brother and I...we finally found some time to chill out together on Day 2 of CNY......we decided to go out for dinner on Friday night and to take in some of the festive atmosphere at the Esplanade area....where the River Hongbao was being held.....


See the carrots? To welcome the bunnies for the Year of the Rabbit 2011!!!


The God of wealth....


Close up shot

we walked around looking at the funfair that was around that area....and I took the opportunity to test drive my brother's new nifty lil' Canon camera......


Marina Bay - using the fish eye function !


Then, was attracted to this amusement park ride....looks scary!!!!





I just love the fish eye effect!!!! Its Awesome!!!! ;)

Finally, dinner time! We settled on the Al Dente Italian Ristorante as they were having a set dinner special, which was great for the 4 of us...


Our drinks - my Mai Tai and Dad with his Heineken...

Then came the entrees...


Feta cheese with parma ham and tomatoes and melon....yummy!


Then it was the prawn on salad leaves ( I think!) - equally yums!

And then the main course (s)!!!!


Pasta and risotto


We ordered an extra proscuitto pizza!!! ;)

Filled to the brim, there's always dessert!!!

Coffee mousse


Fantastic warm chocolate cake with vanilla ice-cream - my all time favourite italian dessert by now...its like a lil' inverted souffle....crunchy on the outside, but oozing chocolate on the inside!!!!

After all that feasting, we had to walk around the river bank to work off all those calories!! Thank goodness the rain had stopped...so it was a pleasant walk....nice and cooling....


I love the night scenes here - the iconic 'durian head'....


The all too familiar Fullerton Hotel!!!


The new Marina bay Sands ( of for short MBS)... And the famouse merlion!!!

And my conclusion that night - that lil nifty canon camera that I got for my brother was a pretty good investment!!!! ;)

The Guru of Chai by the Indian Ink Theatre

Just went for a play yesterday night with Ms W......been waiting for this theatre group from NZ to return after watching their play - The Pickle King in 2007!!!! It was excellent then.
So when I heard that they were returning again with a new play , entitled The Guru of Chai - I called Ms W and went to buy the tickets!!!



The synopsis:

Enlightenment is at hand
Once every millennia there comes a teacher who awakens us all to the power of the divine. But if you can’t wait that long, book an audience with the Guru of Chai! A spiritual leader who will sell you a cup of tea, charm you with his infectious smile, and take away all that is wrong with your life. Enlightenment is at hand.

A poor chaiwallah’s (tea seller) life is changed forever when a young girl is abandoned at a busy railway station and brings the place to a standstill with the beauty of her singing. An honest young policeman falls hopelessly in love but is rejected in favour of a disreputable poet. The contradictions of modern India with its iphones and ancient gods form the backdrop to this story about the dangers of keeping your soul locked in a cage.

Award winning actor Jacob Rajan combines with musician David Ward to bring this intimate epic to life . Outrageously funny and heartbreakingly beautiful, the “Guru's magical elements all add up to a very captivating, moving piece of theatre." Kate Ward Smythe, Theatreview

"The Guru of Chai showcases Jacob at his very best and reinforces him as one of NZ's most hard working, deserving, disciplined and gifted theatre artists--Kate Ward Smythe, Theatreview

I loved it!! Jacob Ryan is so super hilariously funny and talented at the same time...its like a guy having a monologue but playing multiple roles at the same time....and the fact that they use the concept of 'serious laugh' , using laughter to open the audience to deeper themes, is pretty unique. This company blends western theatrical traditions with eastern flavours and has been critically acclaimed for its use of live music, heightened theatricality, humour, pathos and great storytelling.

It was well worth the money and effort!!! Would totally recommend this play to everyone I know and I would say, please support this theatrical company for they are worthy of praise!!!!

Check out their website: www.indianink.co.nz

End of posting dinner at La Salsa

It's my last week at my current hospital....so to celebrate my parting with my friends/ colleagues at this memorable place, we decided to have dinner on a Wednesday night together....after debating and researching, Mr X decided to go to Dempsey , since Mr RL and Ms T claimed that they haven't been there before!!!!!
I suggested a couple of places, but Mr X wanted to go to Hacienda, which didn't sound fantastic.....but we agreed to go anyway......and despite the rain, we were pleasantly surprised to know that our intern was the only person with a car......and hence, we had a free ride there!!!!
We had quite a difficult time finding Hacienda, but it was disappointingly lousy - in terms of location and interior. So we settled for La Salsa instead......



It was rather quiet as we arrived pretty early at about 6pm that day...since we finished our work pretty much on time and there weren't any very sick patients around...the interior was warm.....and very 'spanish' looking, although from my understanding that La Salsa was a Mexican joint.....was hoping to hear the live band, but they only performed on the weekend.


Love the lamps!!!!


The interior

We had a great time catching up and talking rubbish the whole night....we laughed at Ms T who has never drank a margharita whilst we poked Mr RL at how much alcohol he could drink!!!!! It was just ironic.....and the conversation had to be steered many times away from work/ medicine/ hospital/ patients/ colleagues and bosses.....haha..that's what happens when all medics get together for dinner!!!!

So our food arrived....


Fajitas



Cheesy nachos

Din have a camera to take photos....so have to depend on Ms T to post those photos up on FB!!!!

It was rather interesting that our conversation turned towards religions, faith, etc...we discovered that Mr RL was initially a free thinker - then catholic- then atheist - and now currently an agnostic!!! Whilst Mr X freely admitted that he is an atheist ( yeah, after his little spill on space-time-continuum stuff, I think he's more agnostic than atheist though)......and the whole issue of faith and religion and all....we also discovered that our intern was a Pes E in army ( for thos uninitiated, all Singapore boys go to serve in their army and the grades Pes A - E is dependent on their physicial fitness)........so it was rather strange that our seemingly 'hunky' intern was a Pes E! And then we discovered that he has an endocrinological problem that required regular hormonal injections , and that is why he is a Pes E. So, we did discover more about each other that night!!!! ;)

Am seriously gonna miss this bunch of people.....anyways, we can always catch up over dinner again, I guess?!? Miss you peeps loads already!!!!!

A lil heavy hearted....to say goodbye.....

Just got news that my last day at my current hospital will be this coming Sunday, yes, 30th Jan 2011....and I happen to be on call that day... sigh...how sad!!!!
Whilst the change of environment is welcomed....some how deep in my heart I feel an acute sense of loss.....I love working with my current boss - he inspires me to be a better doctor/ clinician.....and he is also very funny.......plus, some of the colleagues here will be definitely sorely missed when I leave this place......the power of close proximity at work.......

Today, we went out for coffee again - Mr X, Miss T and myself....since we were all in the same team for the last few weeks....it was kind of like a winding down outing, in preparation for me leaving this place.......it was bittersweet to say the least...planning for my last dinner with them before I leave wasn't an easy thing....yes, we joked about it and laughed about it...but I think in my own heart, there's a very heavy sense of loss.....plus, Mr X has indeed became a very good friend in a very short period of time......our 'brunch' on Sunday ( post night)...became a 'witnessing' session for me...and for him to understand how, why and when I became a Christian......haha...ironic right?!?

Anyway, I found out a lot more about him than I bargained for......how his dad is a famous nuclear physicist....and how his parents and sisters lived in Germany before his dad decided to go back to their own home country.....and he fought with his dad over ideals and the things in life...and how he has a heart for the underprivileged....Amazing! I in turn , bared my soul to him about my mission work....about my current work and what I hope to do in the future......I even told him heaps about myself and my family!!!! Why? I dunno...mebbe coz I feel comfortable with him....even safe at times.......its weird....have never let anyone this close before!!! Its really scary.....

The biggest plus points is that he makes me laugh!!!! On Friday, I had to dash off to catch up with Miss W over dinner....hence Mr X and I did not end up sharing a cab as we usually do ......and he sped off...only to send me a text 10 mins later saying : 'hey...sorry I forgot to offer you to take the cab before me'....
I replid: ' Haha. It's OK lar. Do I look like I take these small things into heart?!!? See ya cm.
He said: 'Sometimes I am so lost that I forget chivalry. Hahaha....'

I was rather tickled by that....no guy has ever confessed re: his own lack of chivalry ( do they even know what that word means?!?)...and here this guy is apologising for that! I was very amused.....and I am beginning to like him more and more........

Up to today at least.....realised that I am not the only person with whom he goes out with......during 'tea' today, he mentioned re: Miss T and him going for breakfast last weekend at the place opposite out work place...I was like...hmm....so they went out together too....so mebbe he doesn't mean anything....mebbe we are just good friends, right?!? On one hand I was relieved coz it took the pressure off hanging out with him...on the other hand I was slightly disappointed that he wasn't interested in me?!?

I dunno...I guess when I prayed that God you will take those feelings away if he isn't the one.....I really din wanna hear what You said.....and now You have to shove the truth in my face.....serves me right for getting carried away!!!!! Thank you for shaking me up and letting me realise the truth...that I was dreaming and not walking in the light........

Maybe this is for the best ....for my best.....

But I must say that the brunch at Il Lido @ Sentosa Cove was excellent......and it was very romantic.....but unfortunately, not with a guy who absolutely adores me!!! Sheesh....so anyhow, just wanted to post a few pics here for posterity sake....so that I will never forget that day.....






Garlic bread in a funky bowl




Entrees



Entrees



Lasagna with wagyu beef cheek and porcini and truffle mushrooms


Duck confit with pearl onion and orange sauce


Hand made penne



Cod fish done to perfection, in a bean sauce...best dish that day!


Dessert platter - warm chocolate cake with vanilla ice-cream, coffee cream brulee, pannacotta and a lil petite dessert thingy ( still haven't figured out its name!)....

Yummilicious!!!!

Will definitely miss Mr X's kingdom ( Miss T and I have dubbed our current work place as Mr X's kingdom since he works so hard for it and orders us ( minions) around!!!! haha...and of course Miss T is his deputy and I am just a free agent........yes, we are all a bit delirious......in need for a normal life apart from work!!!!!

But it is exactly this kind of nonsense that I will miss most when I leave! Adios amigos!